The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Pen Is Mightier Than the Mouth (1964)

Morey Amsterdam: Buddy Sorrell

Quotes 

• Mel Cooley : Alan's been chewing my head off.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, is that how it happened?

  Mel Cooley : ROB!

  Rob Petrie : I'm sorry, Mel. I'm not myself today.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah, he's gettin' to be more like me. Notice the improvement?

• Sally Rogers : Listen, you know that after the show, that switchboard was flooded!

  Buddy Sorrell : What happened? The sink in the washroom overflow?

• Rob Petrie : All right, we'll finish Alan's monologue, then we'll go to work on yours. Is that good enough?

  Sally Rogers : Oh, perfect, but would you mind writing mine first, please?

  Buddy Sorrell : Why should we write yours first?

  Sally Rogers : Well, Alan doesn't have to go to the beauty parlor, and Alan doesn't have to buy a new dress.

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, he should. The one he's got is very shabby.

• Buddy Sorrell : I can't read your stuff. What'd you do, write this with a dirty fingernail?

  Rob Petrie : Will you just stop giving me reviews and let me read it? Okay. "Alan..." "Alan entrances?..." Enters! "Alan enters and steps deed on his trucks."

  Buddy Sorrell : What's the matter? Can't you read? Terrible handwriting. That's "stops dead on his tracks." Your writing's awful. Hey, that's MY handwriting.

  Rob Petrie : What'd you do, write it with a dirty fingernail?

• Mel Cooley : W-where's Sally?

  Rob Petrie : Uh... dentist.

  Buddy Sorrell : [together with Rob]  Foot doctor.

  Buddy Sorrell : Uh, b'uh... foot dentist. She had her big toe filled.

• Mel Cooley : Now, you're the head writer.

  Rob Petrie : So, Mel, what do you want me to do?

  Buddy Sorrell : Write him a new head.

• Sally Rogers : [as she exits]  I love you both!

  Buddy Sorrell : [muttering]  "I love you both." Boy, I wish she wouldn't have said that.

  Rob Petrie : Why?

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, because I feel guilty, uh, you know, hatin' somebody that loves me.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, I think that's kind of childish, Buddy.

  Buddy Sorrell : You mean you don't hate her?

  Rob Petrie : Oh, yeah, but I don't feel guilty about it.

• Rob Petrie : Well, couldn't you at least read it so we could write it back? What, did you flunk penmanship or something?

  Buddy Sorrell : "Read it so you can write it back?" What'd YOU flunk, tonguemanship?