The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Lady and the Tiger and the Lawyer (1964)

Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie

Quotes 

• Laura Petrie : You know what I think he's looking for?

  Rob Petrie : What's that?

  Laura Petrie : A wife.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah? Whose?

• Laura Petrie : [rounding on Rob as Donna calls out for help]  Did you lock her in the bathroom?

• Arthur Stanwyck : Did I say something to shock you?

  Laura Petrie : Uh, no, why?

  Arthur Stanwyck : Uh... you're... wiping the tray with the cake.

  Rob Petrie : [laughing nervously]  It's a... sponge cake.

• Arthur Stanwyck : There's nothing I like better than a good comedy.

  Laura Petrie : [worried]  More than foreign films and rocks?

  Arthur Stanwyck : Oh, I have a wide variety of interests.

  Sally Rogers : Hey, you like rocks?

  Arthur Stanwyck : I love 'em.

  Sally Rogers : Oh, me too - emeralds, sapphires, rubies...

  Sally Rogers : [imitating Jimmy Durante]  Boy, them's my kinda rocks!

  Arthur Stanwyck : Oh, look, y-you're talking to a poor lawyer, not a rich jeweler.

  Sally Rogers : [still imitating Durante]  Oh, I wasn't suggestin' that you buy them for me, counselor. I'm gonna buy 'em for you!

  Arthur Stanwyck : [imitating Jimmy Durante]  You're my kinda woman, Mrs. Calabash.

• Laura Petrie : Well, listen, would you like to stay for dinner?

  Arthur Stanwyck : Well, thanks, but I have a house full of dust to rearrange.

• Laura Petrie : Will you please remember that this is not a contest? So I hope you're not gonna do anything that would ruin Donna's chances of winning it.

• Donna Palmer : Can you see with my glasses?

  Arthur Stanwyck : Perfectly.

  Laura Petrie : [fawning]  Isn't that marvelous? They both have the same prescription.

• Rob Petrie : Arthur, would you like a... glass of, uh, wine?

  Arthur Stanwyck : Thank you. Thank you, Rob. I'd love one.

  Rob Petrie : How 'bout you, Donna?

  Donna Palmer : Oh, me too.

  Rob Petrie : Okay.

  Laura Petrie : [fawning]  Ohh, well...

  Rob Petrie : Oh, well what?

  Laura Petrie : [fawning]  They both love wine. Isn't that COMPATIBLE?

• Rob Petrie : D'you ever hear of anybody fallin' in love on second sight?

  Laura Petrie : Oh, now that's just ridiculous.

  Rob Petrie : Did you ever hear of anybody say "second come, first served?"