The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
The Ghost of A. Chantz (1964)
Morey Amsterdam: Buddy Sorrell
Quotes
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[Sally walks out in a robe with her hair covered by a hairnet]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : [Reacts in fright] Ah! Oh!
Sally Rogers : What's with you?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Sally, Sallly, we've-we've been working together five years. I never knew you looked like that.
Sally Rogers : Like what?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Like my wife.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [all piled in the hide-a-bed] Look, I'll admit, a lot of strange things are goin' on here but I think that whoever or whatever it is doesn't want to hurt us.
[as the hide-a-bed starts to fold up on them, they all jump out of it]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Boy, look at that! A man-eating bed!
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Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : [to Mel] Well, at least when I got scared, I got hair to stand on end.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Did you, uh... Gonna go to bed with your shoes on?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : You know I can't run in my bare feet.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Buddy, we've been here all evening and not one strange thing has happened.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Oh, no? How about that fireplace?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I told you it's probably a live ember buried in the coals.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah, or a dead body buried under the floor.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [all piled into the hide-a-bed] Anybody asleep?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : You nuts?
Sally Rogers : Who could sleep?
Laura Petrie : I am fast awake.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : My heart's beating so hard it's gonna knock the covers off.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Look, it's been over two hours now and nothing strange or unusual has happened.
Sally Rogers : No? What do you call four grown people sleeping in the same bed with their clothes on?
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Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Ghosts, ghosts! That's what it was! This place is haunted like they said.
Sally Rogers : Who said? A ghost haunted? Who said?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Rob!
Laura Petrie : Rob?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I didn't.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : He did!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : It isn't!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : It is!
Laura Petrie : Well, is it?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I never said...
Sally Rogers : Well, who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Who who who? It's what he says!
Laura Petrie : Did you?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I didn't. No, the guy I saw...
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Well, yeah, there was a guy told Rob that the... that the place is haunted! And he says there's a guy got murdered here and he's coming back and he's gonna get all of us!
Sally Rogers : Who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Who? That's the ghost with the mustache!
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[the lamp near the sofa comes on by itself]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Buddy, will you turn the light off, please.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : I didn't turn it on.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I suppose it went on all by itself then, huh?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : If-if you didn't turn it on, it went on by itself, or...
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, there's probably a logical explanation for that.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah, like a live ember in a dead bulb?
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Mr. Little : There are no reservations. No rooms.
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Well, that's impossible.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : That's what we've been telling him. Look, Mr. Cooley called and made reservations. Right, Mel?
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : That's right. I...
[realizes that he forgot and holds his forehead]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : The Hairless Phantom strikes again.
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Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Rob and I will work things out. Look, why don't you girls go and have dinner.
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [Referring to Buddy] Oh, and take IT with you. Rob, I-I just feel awful.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Don't feel so bad, Mel. You finally accomplished a great feat - you got everybody hating you at the same time.
[to stuffed moose on the wall]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Attack!
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Laura Petrie : Be a good sport. After all, you were the biggest chicken of us all.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : You did some pretty good cluckin' there yourself.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : All I know is that there's someone that wants us to leave here.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah, yeah, me, me!
Sally Rogers : Look, Rob, I'm with Buddy. This is getting to be like a bad horror movie. All we're missing is Vincent Price and the thunder and the lightning.
Laura Petrie : Oh, Rob, I'm scared!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Look, I agree that we should leave here, but let's not lose our heads now.
[Buddy and Sally open the door to leave, thunder and lightning start, they come back in and put down their bags]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : All that's missing now is Vincent Price.
[There is a knock on the bedroom door and it opens by itself]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : The door's open, the door's open.
Sally Rogers : [nervously] Vincent?
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [arriving at the cabin] Buddy, you didn't bring any of the stuff in!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah...
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Will you go get it, please?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : W-would you go with me?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : For crying out loud, I'll get it myself!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Can... can I go with you?