- Sally Rogers: Alan, uh, how'd you find out about Claude Wilber?
- Alan Brady: Wilber's dummy told my dummy.
- Rob Petrie: Jellybean called Mel? I'm sorry, Mel.
- Rob Petrie: Now, Herman Glimscher will forgive you if you're a few minutes late.
- Sally Rogers: That's fine, except I'm going out with Douglas Bedlork.
- Rob Petrie: Who's that, a new fella?
- Sally Rogers: Yeah, brand new. I don't think he's ever been used before.
- Buddy Sorrell: You know somethin', those second-hand guys that look like new can't be trusted.
- Rob Petrie: Bake some brownies.
- Laura Petrie: Why?
- Rob Petrie: Honey, when they hear news like that, they're gonna want a good, stiff drink.
- Laura Petrie: Rob, Buddy and Sally don't drink.
- Rob Petrie: I know it, so you better have some brownies to offer 'em.
- Mel Cooley: [sensing something's wrong] Why are you all standing like that?
- Buddy Sorrell: We're tryin' out for a toboggan team.
- Claude Wilbur: Oh, yes. We owe a great deal to children
- Jellybean: Oh, cut the sauce. You hate kids worse than I do.
- Jellybean: I... I like your style.
- Rob Petrie: Oh, thank you. I admire your... antenna.
- Jellybean: Oh, well, then grab one and shake.
- Alan Brady: Snail, snake, what's the difference?
- Buddy Sorrell: To a love-hungry snake it makes a lot of difference.
- Alan Brady: Now, come on, get to work and write me some words that are worthy of my mouth or I'll fire you WITHOUT a memo.
- Rob Petrie: We're not in any trouble. According to a very well-known authority, a handshake with a snail is not legally binding.
- Sally Rogers: Oh, yeah? Who said that?
- Rob Petrie: Walt Disney.