The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Obnoxious, Offensive, Egomaniac, Etc. (1966)
Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie
Photos
Quotes
-
Rob Petrie : Hey, there's a transom over that door. If it was open, we could crawl through it.
Laura Petrie : Rob, that's burglary.
Rob Petrie : Not technically, honey. We're taking back something we gave Alan. The worst they can call us is Indian givers.
Sally Rogers : Well, anything's better than being called unemployed.
Rob Petrie : Honey, it won't hurt if we just go up there and take a look at the door.
Sally Rogers : Yeah, yeah, Rob. Let's-let's go take a look at the door.
Laura Petrie : Oh, Rob, I don't like it.
Buddy Sorrell : What do you mean you don't like it? You didn't even see it. It's a great door.
Laura Petrie : What about the play?
Sally Rogers : Laura, this is the play-- Three writers in search of their job. Come on, guys.
Rob Petrie : Honey, we're just going to take a look at the door. We'll be back in a few minutes.
Laura Petrie : No, no, I'm going too.
Rob Petrie : Well, there's no need to.
Laura Petrie : Yes, there is, Rob. If you going to do something illegal, I'm going to be there to see you don't get into trouble.
-
Rob Petrie : I tore my shirt on a nail.
Buddy Sorrell : Don't worry about it. I'll get you another shirt.
Laura Petrie : Will you get him another arm?
Buddy Sorrell : No. My policy only covers shirts and clothing.
-
Laura Petrie : You mean that Alan has the other script?
Rob Petrie : By now, he's got the script in one hand and a gun in the other.
-
Rob Petrie : Why did you two have to type the words in? Isn't saying it enough?
Buddy Sorrell : No, there's somethin' about seeing it in print that's much better than hearing it in spoken.
Laura Petrie : Listen, maybe if you explain to Alan...
Rob Petrie : Honey, how much explaining can you do between "You're" and "Fired"?
Laura Petrie : Well, Rob, you're gonna have to do something!
Sally Rogers : Yeah, how about let's get police protection, huh?
Rob Petrie : I got it. I know how to get into Alan's office.
Buddy Sorrell : What are you gonna do? Pick the lock with a telephone?
Rob Petrie : [dialing the desk phone] No, I'm gonna call Mac the night watchman.
Buddy Sorrell : [sarcastically] Oh, that's right. He's got a skeleton phone.
-
Laura Petrie : Rob, you can't do it without waking him.
Buddy Sorrell : Hey, Rob, she's right. Let's kill 'im.
-
Sally Rogers : [after Laura found the key to Alan's office and opened the door] And I was gonna fire you and make her the mastermind.
Rob Petrie : Well, I got one last master plan. Let's switch those scripts and get out of here.
Buddy Sorrell : [taking out the script he and Sally modified] All right, look, here, take this one; here's the script we fixed up.
Rob Petrie : [searching Alan's desk] We gotta find Alan's copy first. It's not here. Must be here somewhere.
[tries to open a drawer]
Rob Petrie : In here is locked.
Laura Petrie : Rob, you cannot break into a man's desk!
Rob Petrie : We just broke into a man's office!
Laura Petrie : [hearing approaching footsteps] Somebody's coming!
Sally Rogers : Alan! Hide!
Rob Petrie : Douse the light! Get the door! Oh, the bottle! He'll see the bottle!