- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: [finally getting into the bathroom] Honey, you all right?
- Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob...
- [Rob laughs]
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I'm sorry. You look so funny.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, jeez!
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: [coming out while continuing to laugh] You guys wanna see something ridiculous?
- [Realizes what he said, waves the gun at the detective and bellboy]
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Wait a minute!
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Is there any particular reason why you're sawing so slowly?
- Engineer: The best one. I'm seventy-five years old.
- Maid: Dearie, would you try jiggling the door knob?
- Laura Petrie: I can't reach the door knob.
- Maid: Why not?
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: She's stuck. May I please?
- Maid: Look, why can't your wife open the door from the other side?
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Because she's stuck in the tub.
- Maid: She calls ME stupid.
- Laura Petrie: [from the bathroom] Well, where's the stupid maid with the key?
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: She's right here, honey.
- Maid: Stupid maid, huh?
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, we had a stupid maid once.
- Maid: [Muttering to herself] She gets stuck in a bathtub, he paints on mustaches - they make a great couple!