- Laura Petrie: Is there anything wrong in a woman wanting her man to become famous and well-known?
- Rob Petrie: No, no. Look what the lady in red did for John Dillinger.
- Laura Petrie: You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton, go ahead.
- Rob Petrie: Who's THAT?
- Laura Petrie: Dwight Heatherton happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity.
- Rob Petrie: Well, how do YOU know him?
- Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, he's famous.
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, Rob, tell me why you don't want us to have our name in a big, national magazine so we'll be famous and people'll give us free tickets to the movies, and we'll be able to get better seats in restaurants, and regular people and our relatives will give us a lot of respect. Tell me again why you don't want that.
- Rob Petrie: We'll do something completely different. We'll do something daring.
- Buddy Sorrell: Something daring, huh? Maybe like that leopards sketch that you did last year? It laid a big bomb.
- Sally Rogers: Oh, Buddy, it didn't lay such a BIG bomb.
- Buddy Sorrell: Oh, no? That week, Russia went to the UN and complained we were doing underground testing.
- Sally Rogers: Well, I thought you and Pickles were having guests tonight?
- Buddy Sorrell: Nah. No guests. Just my mother-in-law and her sister.
- Sally Rogers: Well, what do you consider them?
- Buddy Sorrell: Invaders.
- Laura Petrie: You don't get credit or publicity; so, if you got a little of each, you might get a lot more of both.
- Rob Petrie: You know something?
- Laura Petrie: What?
- Rob Petrie: You're no fun to talk to anymore.
- [Mel enters]
- Buddy Sorrell: Speaking of smoothly, here's old level-head.
- Mel Cooley: [to Rob] Will you please tell Chicken Little he's wanted in the hen house?
- Buddy Sorrell: "Chicken Little?" Hey, he's shaarp. This guy got a... a trigger brain - but I think the gun jammed.
- Buddy Sorrell: Look, if it'll make you feel any better, under all this glamour I'm wearing torn underwear.
- Lorraine Gilman: Well, with the the knifing and back-stabbing that went on, I thought I was watching a new version of Julius Cesear.