- [in an argument over who the beautiful blonde was whom Rob and Laura saw having dinner with Jerry, Laura suddenly refers to her as a floozy]
- Rob Petrie: Since when did she become a blonde floozy? I think she looked like a very nice girl.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, you hardly saw her.
- Rob Petrie: Honey, I saw her legs when they came in, and those were not the legs of a floozy.
- [Jerry and Millie couldn't join Rob and Laura for a night out together, but Jerry was spotted out to dinner with an unknown blonde]
- Laura Petrie: But I keep remembering Millie said that the reason they couldn't come with us was because Jerry had a late appointment.
- Rob Petrie: So who says that she wasn't his late appointment?
- Laura Petrie: At the office?
- Rob Petrie: All right, it started at the office and ended up at the restaurant.
- Laura Petrie: Hm.
- Rob Petrie: Why, it's possible, honey. Maybe he fixed her teeth and took her out to see if they work.
- Rob Petrie: I'm not defending Jerry. I am defending the principle that a man is innocent until his wife proves him guilty.
- Buddy Sorrell: I think marriage is wonerful. Without it, husbands and wives'd have to fight with strangers.
- Millie Helper: [nervously] If, uh, I ask you something, would ya give me an honest answer?
- Laura Petrie: [just as nervously] Well, sure, Millie. What is it?
- Millie Helper: Well, even if you knew that by telling the truth, ya might hurt someone ya like?
- Laura Petrie: Well, I-I guess that would depend on... how much that person would be hurt.
- Millie Helper: Let's say a lot. Would ya?
- Laura Petrie: Well, then I guess, too, it would depend on... who that person I like was.
- Millie Helper: Let's say it was someone you liked as-as well as me.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, well, Millie, there aren't very many people I like as well as you.
- Millie Helper: Oh. Well, let's say it was me.
- Laura Petrie: Is it you?
- Millie Helper: [explosively] YES, IT'S ME!
- [last lines]
- Rob Petrie: I'm no psychologist, but it's not important, really, whether you went five times or six times to see a marriage counselor. The important thing is you have to go at least one more time.
- Laura Petrie: The fact remains, she was having dinner with someone else's husband.
- Rob Petrie: Maybe she didn't know that.
- Laura Petrie: Oh come on.
- Rob Petrie: Look Honey, when a man's out on the town, he doesn't go around telling girls he's mar... forget what I said.
- Rob Petrie: We're the ones that hid. They walked in there like two upright Americans with nothing to hide. Now if we had sat up like normal people, Jerry would probably have come right over to the table and said, "Hello Laura and Rob, I'd like you to meet my cousin from Denver" and we would have said...
- Laura Petrie: Baloney.