The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

My Mother Can Beat Up My Father (1964)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : [setting up to demonstrate his newly acquired judo knowledge on Ritchie's stuffed monkey]  See, I'll be you and the monkey will be me.

  Laura Petrie : Good casting.

• Rob Petrie : You know, s-some of these guys had the nerve to come up to me today and say, "Well, I understand your wife can beat cha up,"

  Laura Petrie : And what difference does it make?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, what difference... What DIFFERENCE does it MAKE?

• Laura Petrie : [seeing Rob in traction]  Darling, does... does it hurt very much?

  Rob Petrie : Only when I do ANYTHING.

• Laura Petrie : My, aren't YOU in a good mood?

  Rob Petrie : No, I am... serene.

  Laura Petrie : Oh? How many "serenes" did ya have?

• Rob Petrie : I told you I didn't want to fight, but I think I'd better warn you. See, I'm a black belt karate expert, and these hands are registered with the police department as lethal weapons. Now, I'm obliged by law to tell you that first.

• Rob Petrie : Well, you heard about the thing, uh, with Laura the other night, didn't you?

  Tony Daniels : Uh, yeah, yeah, I... h'yeah, yeah.

  Rob Petrie : Well, to tell you the truth, I'm feeling... It's bothering me.

  Tony Daniels : Yeah, I know. You-you've taken quite a ribbing, huh?

  Rob Petrie : H'yeah, well, not only that, but the other night at the house, she threw me. Plow!

  Tony Daniels : [amused, good-naturedly]  You know...

  Rob Petrie : I see you laughing.

  Tony Daniels : [smiling]  Well, well, what do you want me to do? You want me to go over to your house and rough her up?

• Rob Petrie : It just so happens that Tony Daniels was in the office today and he is a Judo instructor.

  Laura Petrie : Oh, so you asked for some instructions in wife-beating?

• Miss Taylor : Well now I understand how you got all those injuries except for those scratches on your arm.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, well I was just thinking about that. Those, as a matter of fact, are Laura's fault too.

  Miss Taylor : How?

  Rob Petrie : Well, when the guys from the ambulance came to carry me out, they asked her how I got hurt. She said that I was thrown by a monkey.

  Miss Taylor : So?

  Rob Petrie : So, they laughed so hard, they dropped me in the rose bushes.