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The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Long Night's Journey Into Day (1966)
Ann Morgan Guilbert: Millie Helper
Quotes
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Millie Helper : [whispering] Laura...
Laura Petrie : Shh...
Millie Helper : I think I did something dumb!
Laura Petrie : What?
Millie Helper : I think I left the door open when I came in.
Laura Petrie : Why?
Millie Helper : In case something was wrong, I wanted to be able to get out fast.
-
Millie Helper : Listen, for goodness sake, don't take a shower!
Laura Petrie : Why?
Millie Helper : Oh, listen, didn't you see that Alfred Hitchcock picture?
[stabbing motion]
Laura Petrie : Millie!
Millie Helper : You're better off dirty than dead, believe me.
-
Millie Helper : I forgot to give you something.
Laura Petrie : A fountain pen?
Millie Helper : Well, it's not really a pen. It's a burglar beeper.
Laura Petrie : A what?
Millie Helper : You know, a burglar beeper. If somebody breaks in and tries to bash you in the head, you pull the top off and a siren starts. Keen, huh?
-
Laura Petrie : What're you doing back here, anyway? Is everyone back?
Millie Helper : No, just me and I'm not really back!
Laura Petrie : Well, you're here!
Millie Helper : Well, I never got there!
Laura Petrie : I'm glad you're here!
Millie Helper : Oh, Laura!
Laura Petrie : What happened anyway?
Millie Helper : Well, going up there it suddenly dawned on me, where was I going? I mean, I... I hate camping and I hate fishing, and I can just about tolerate the kids and I'm not that wild about Jerry. Well, the only person who was gonna make it any fun was here; so, when we got to Flouter Junction, I jumped on a train and... here I am.
-
Millie Helper : You heard noises? What noises?
Laura Petrie : Well, just... ordinary house noises, things that go bump in the night. You know, the stuff I never worry about if someone were here with me.
Millie Helper : Well, someone's here with you and she's worried - what kind of noises?
Laura Petrie : Well, like, uh, wood creaking and a... cat scratching, and then, once, the phone rang and there was nobody on the other line.
Millie Helper : [gasps] Oh. 'Sorry, Wrong Number'! Did you see that picture?
Laura Petrie : I did, and that's what's been frightening me.
-
Laura Petrie : Here, you can wear this.
[hands Millie a flimsy nightgown]
Millie Helper : Oh, listen, don't you have something a little less, say, you know? I mean, uh, in case we gotta go running into the streets, I don't want to look too sexy.
-
Millie Helper : You hit me again and I'll let you have it!
-
[as the radio plays loudly, Millie irons in the living room while Laura putters about the kitchen]
Millie Helper : Let's keep talkin', okay?
Laura Petrie : What?
Millie Helper : I said let's keep talkin', okay?
Laura Petrie : Okay.
Millie Helper : What are you doin' now?
Laura Petrie : I'm making the coffee.
Millie Helper : Okay. Laura, would you fix me a piece of toast?
Laura Petrie : Okay.
Millie Helper : Okay. Now what are ya doing?
Laura Petrie : I'm making the toast.
Millie Helper : Oh, good, good, good.
Millie Helper : [thinking she heard a noise] Laura?
Laura Petrie : Okay.
Millie Helper : No. No okay. Laura did you hear anything?
Laura Petrie : Millie, I can't hear anything with the radio blaring away.
[the power suddenly go out. All goes dead and dark]
-
Millie Helper : Did I hurt you?
Rob Petrie : Are there fireflies in here?
Laura Petrie : No.
Rob Petrie : Then I'm hurt.
-
Millie Helper : [after whacking Rob on the head with a folding chair] Rob's the maniac? Oh, Rob, did I hurt you?
Rob Petrie : [looking up and around in a daze] Are there fireflies in here?
Laura Petrie : No.
Rob Petrie : Then I'm hurt.
[pulling at his fishing hat]
Rob Petrie : Oh, it's the fishhooks!
-
Millie Helper : Don't you have anything a little less er, uh... You know, if we have to go running out into the street, I don't want to look this sexy.