- Rob Petrie: When he's awake he's very shy, very retiring, but when he's asleep he's friendly, outgoing.
- Rob Petrie: Hey, it's gettin' late! Boy, we better attack those ribs before the gang gets here.
- Stacey Petrie: What gang?
- Rob Petrie: Oh, I invited a few of the neighbors and some of the guys from the office over. I thought you might like to meet 'em.
- Stacey Petrie: Uh, gee, I'm a... a little tired, Rob. Will I have time to grab a nap first?
- Laura Petrie: But, Stacey, you just had a nap.
- Stacey Petrie: I-I get more rest when I'm awake than those kind of naps.
- [Rob wants to get his brother a hotel room for his visit]
- Laura Petrie: Rob, I won't hear of it. He's the one relative of ours I'm really dying to know better.
- Laura Petrie: Listen, Stace, how come you always call Rob "Burford?"
- Stacey Petrie: Yeah, he looks like a Burford, doesn't he?
- Rob Petrie: Didn't it seem to you that Stacy was acting a little strangely?
- Laura Petrie: No, he was acting like a fellow who was happy to see us. He was spirited, joyful and bubbly.
- Rob Petrie: Right - three things that Stacy ordinarily is not, unless...
- Laura Petrie: Unless what?
- Rob Petrie: Well, honey, you're gonna find out sooner or later anyway. I might just as well tell you: My brother Stacy has a problem.
- Rob Petrie: Stacy's a...
- Laura Petrie: A what?
- Rob Petrie: A somnambulist.
- Laura Petrie: A somnambulist? A sleepwalker?
- Rob Petrie: The best in the world.
- Laura Petrie: How can you tell he's asleep?
- Rob Petrie: Well, you notice Stace wasn't wearing his glasses?
- Laura Petrie: So?
- Rob Petrie: He always wears his glasses when he's awake. The only time he takes them off is when he's asleep. And you heard him call me Burford?
- Laura Petrie: Yeah.
- Rob Petrie: Well, when he's that way he calls everybody "Burford."
- [Somnambulant Stacey is ready to entertain partiers with his banjo]
- Stacey Petrie: Show time! Okay, folks, gather around here and I'll tune up a little bit. Gotta get... Lemme have an R, Burf.
- [Rob turns to the piano but then realizes the instruction makes no sense]
- Stacey Petrie: That's good. I just said that for a joke. There ain't no R. Is there?
- Stacey Petrie: [to Mel] Whadda you wanna hear, Mr. Burford?
- Mel Cooley: H-h-how about something classical?
- Stacey Petrie: Good enough. Something classical. How 'bout the Hungarian Rhapsody by Goulash?
- Mel Cooley: Oh, Goulash is a stew.
- Stacey Petrie: Well, I don't care how much he drinks. He writes good music.
- [after providing an outstanding, lively entertainment, Stacey falls completely asleep and Rob quiets everybody down]
- Buddy Sorrell: [whispering] Hey, Rob? Is the party over?
- Rob Petrie: [whispering] Yeah.
- Buddy Sorrell: [whispering] I thought so.