- Laura Petrie: Is he that smart?
- Rob Petrie: You mean, am I that dumb?
- Laura Petrie: Well, it sounded nicer the other way.
- Rob Petrie: Well, what kind of a guy would I be if I went back on my word?
- Buddy Sorrell: My kind of guy.
- Laura Petrie: Rob, would you just think what we could get with one million pennies?
- Rob Petrie: Copper poisoning?
- Rob Petrie: When did, uh, Mr. Potter say he'd be back?
- Secretary: Well, with him you never know. He's a real operator.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah, I know. I'm one of his operations.
- Buddy Sorrell: You don't think any guy who wrote a song called "Bupkis" recorded by the Dum Dums is gonna use his real name, do you?