The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Big Max Calvada (1963)

Sheldon Leonard: Max Calvada

Photos 

Quotes 

• Max Calvada : Kenneth Dexter's my nephew. He's my sister Sylvia's boy.

  Rob Petrie : You have a sister?

  Max Calvada : Well, sure. She's a college graduate. And it's Kenneth's ambition to go into show business - as a comedian.

  Bernard : [deadpan]  The kid breaks me up.

• Max Calvada : Uh, Mrs. Petrie, I've taken the liberty of arranging for your transportation home because these folks have to stay on with me for a little business discussion.

  Rob Petrie : Well, here-here? Tonight?

  Max Calvada : Right now while the memory of Kenneth's debut is still fresh in our mind.

• [Nervously, Rob tries to discuss working for Max Calvada privately with Buddy and Sally while Max stands nearby very obviously listening to them] 

  Rob Petrie : [fearing for their lives]  Hey, Sal, whadda you think?

  Sally Rogers : Well, um, er, gosh, Rob. I-I-I don't know. What do you think, Buddy?

  Buddy Sorrell : Oh, sh - sure. I agree with Rob.

  Rob Petrie : Well, there's... uh, there's one thing we... another... that we got to consider is money, you know, because we already have a job.

  Sally Rogers : Yeah, The Alan Brady Show.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah, we... we've got an exclu... exclusive contract.

  Sally Rogers : Yeah.

  Rob Petrie : That's right.

  Max Calvada : That could be worked out.

  Rob Petrie : Of course, I imagine that could be worked out.

  Sally Rogers : I think so.

  Buddy Sorrell : I imagine Mr. Calvada knows Alan Brady.

  Max Calvada : He knows ME.

  Rob Petrie : And I suppose that, uh, Alan knows him, too.

  Sally Rogers : Oh, sure.

  Rob Petrie : Then there's the matter of money. We're gonna have to charge an awful lot of money.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah.

  Sally Rogers : A fortune. Don't forget, there's three of us.

  Buddy Sorrell : We get a lot of loot for three. Right.

  Max Calvada : Money is no object.

  Rob Petrie : I would imagine the money's probably no object.

• Max Calvada : He's openin' at the Diamond Club.

  Sally Rogers : The Diamond Club?

  Rob Petrie : Uh, you weren't, uh, thinking of opening Kenny at the Diamond Club, were you?

  Max Calvada : Who's not thinkin' of it?

  Rob Petrie : Mr. Calvada, I... I tell you, the Diamond Spot is-is one of the-the top spots around, and-and Kenny... Well, I mean, gifted as he may be, is-is an unknown.

  Max Calvada : [not to be argued with]  I know 'im. And coincidentally, the performer who is currently appearing there... took sick - next week.

  Rob Petrie : Well. Mr. Calvada, couldn't he, couldn't he be sick in 2 weeks?

  Max Calvada : I'm sorry, his disease has already been arranged for.