- Calamity Jane: [of a passerby who eyed her] If I had that mug on me I believe I'd cut down on gettin' told how butt-fucking ugly I was by not staring at fucking strangers.
- [Jane walks across the street and stops in front of the hotel]
- Calamity Jane: I'm back!
- E.B. Farnum: Your room has been re-rented.
- Calamity Jane: Fuck you and fuck the rooms you rent! I'm callin' on the widow and the little one in her care. And if I was you, or any cocksucker with ya, I wouldn't try to stop me.
- E.B. Farnum: Be brief.
- Calamity Jane: Be fucked!
- E.B. Farnum: [to himself] Her gutter mouth and the widow in an opium stupor. A conversation for the ages.
- A.W. Merrick: [reading from his newspaper] At Dr. Cochran's suggestion, a pest tent endowed by the generous retailers of our fine community is being erected for the afflicted at the south end, and riders dispatched to secure a vaccine.
- Al Swearengen: Maybe you should add there, "They're already probably on their way back."
- A.W. Merrick: [rolling his eyes] The Pioneer has been assured of their imminent return.
- Cy Tolliver: Yeah, that's catchier.
- A.W. Merrick: Thanks also to the aforementioned merchants, the vaccine will be distributed gratis.
- Al Swearengen: Free gratis.
- A.W. Merrick: 'Free gratis' is a redundancy.
- E.B. Farnum: Does that mean 'repeats itself'?
- Al Swearengen: Then leave gratis out.
- A.W. Merrick: What luck for me, Al, that you have such a keen editorial sense. Free. Distributed Free. Period.
- Trixie: [Al implies Trixie is not following his plan] Why wouldn't I
- Al Swearengen: I'd rather try touchin' the moon than take on a whore's thinking