- Jennifer "Jen" Lindley: When you see Belinda and her clique in the hallway, you're desperately wishing that you were walking with them, aren't you? And thinking that maybe if you were wearing the right shoes, sporting the latest hairstyle, and using the hottest shade of lip gloss, then maybe they would toss a glance in your direction. Ever wonder why they force their narrow-minded opinions down our throats? Perhaps it's because they have an inkling of what the future has in store for them beyond graduation. Cut to 25 years from now, Belinda McGovern wakes up one morning feeling empty. Maybe it's because her Dartmouth-educated lawyer husband Tad has run off to Tijuana with her daughter's roommate from boarding school. Or maybe it's because the twins, Timmy and Tommy, call her by her first name and their live-in housekeeper "Mom." Or maybe it's Belinda's daily 2:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:15 showdown with her bottle of Prozac. Her life has become a domestic wasteland. Avoid this fate. Don't let yourself become another cookie-cutter blonde, size 4, rah-rah-sis-bam-boom, mindless, soulless, spineless wench. Screw these auditions, screw cheerleading, and screw Belinda McGovern.
- Principal Green: Good morning, I'm Principal Green. Welcome to the new school year. Like all of you, in my junior year of high school, I had a new principal. My first day back, he stood before us and imparted some honest and touching words, words which were ment to usher into what he called one of the best years of our lives. This is not that speach. We live in a different time. You children are living and thinking like people twice your age, and why shouldn't you? The rites of passage which onced marked growing up are all but extinct. In short, I'm onto you people. I'm one step ahead of you, for example, like that gentleman in the fifth row who's talking while I'm making a speach. Please stand, sir.
- Pacey Witter: Me?
- Principal Green: What's your name, sir?
- Pacey Witter: [sarcastic] I don't you supposed you'd accept 'Che Guevara', would you?
- Principal Green: Probally not.
- Pacey Witter: Pacey Witter.
- Principal Green: Mr. Witter, I'd like to applaud you for being the first student at Capeside who behaves like one. It is my hope that you all some day will act as such. Be a free thinker. Reclaim your youth, live, learn, screw up. Keep up the good work, Mr. Witter. Oh and by the way, I'll see you on Saturday... for detention!