- Jane Lane: [Daria is trying on bridesmaid dresses]
- [In Southern accent]
- Jane Lane: Oh Scarlett, you grow lovelier by the day!
- Daria Morgendorffer: I will kill you. And bury your body in this dress.
- Jake Morgendorffer: I don't know why you didn't let me bring my golf clubs.
- Helen Morgendorffer: Jake, we're here to see my family, not to have fun.
- Brittany Taylor: [Brittany and Jodie see Daria and Jane in the wedding dress store] Daria?
- Daria Morgendorffer, Brittany Taylor: What are you doing here?
- Jane Lane: Isn't is obvious? An Arab sheik's in town to buy a few more wives.
- Brittany Taylor: They're putting on a bridal expo in the gym. We're modeling!
- Daria Morgendorffer: A bridal expo? That's a good message to send to high school students.
- Jodie Abigail Landon: It's a fundraiser for extracurricular activities.
- Jane Lane: I wonder what kind of extracurricular activities would lead to a wedding...
- Brittany Taylor: What about you? Are you in a play or something?
- Daria Morgendorffer: Yes, I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln before she went crazy.
- Brittany Taylor: I didn't know she went crazy!
- Jane Lane: Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.
- Brittany Taylor: Wow...!
- Jodie Abigail Landon: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish out fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.
- Brittany Taylor: You mean the bullet didn't kill him...?
- [Helen is drunk at Erin's wedding]
- Jake Morgendorffer: Helen, um, you're being kind of loud.
- Helen Morgendorffer: Oh, no! We don't want a *scene*, do we? We don't want to spoil the *lovely* wedding that *lovely* Mother spent so much *lovely* money on.
- Daria Morgendorffer: Amy, is life always tawdry, stupid, and humiliating, or is it just a phase?
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: Just a phase. I'm expecting to grow out of it anytime now.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: Hmm. I thought when I hit thirty I would stop feeling out of place at these things.
- Daria Morgendorffer: You feel out of place?
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: You didn't notice my sisters are so busy competing with each other that I don't even register on their radar?
- Daria Morgendorffer: Yeah, but I just figured you were above all that. I mean, you're kind of...
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: Cool?
- Daria Morgendorffer: Um...
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: I know, you can't say that to me. Law of the teenagers.
- Daria Morgendorffer: Thank you for respecting it.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: When I was a kid, with Helen and Rita going at it all the time, all they left for me to do was to supply the color commentary. Then, one day, I found myself all grown up with my own point of view, and feeling no particular obligation to listen to anyone else's B.S. Ever.
- Daria Morgendorffer: So it actually worked out pretty well.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: Unless I have to see my sisters at a wedding, yeah. Sarcasm. It's a great way to deal.
- [puts on round glasses similar to Daria's]
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: But, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
- Daria Morgendorffer: [smirks] Nah.
- Mack: Hey, what's the matter?
- Jodie Abigail Landon: This whole thing is starting to get to me. I mean, Daria had a point. Why should high school kids be thinking about marriage? If I see one more sweet, dopey girl stuck with a lame-brain idiot...
- Kevin, Brittany Taylor: Hi!
- Daria Morgendorffer: I don't think you've thought this through. What do you do with the hostages one you get to the airport?
- Jane Lane: They're coming with me. We're talking party plane. All the way to Libya.
- Helen Morgendorffer: [On the front porch, Daria and Jane can hear Helen on the phone] Rita, that's so wonderful. I'm so happy for you! You and Erin both.
- Daria Morgendorffer: Ah, you'd better take a hike.
- Jane Lane: Why?
- Daria Morgendorffer: My mom's talking to my Aunt Rita. This isn't going to be pretty.
- Jane Lane: Gotcha. Later, huh?
- Daria Morgendorffer: That remains to be seen.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: [Amy is giving her car keys to the valet] I don't mind a few dents, but change the radio station and you're a dead man.
- Aunt Rita Barksdale: Amy, how delightful. I thought you weren't coming.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: I wasn't, but I thought if you two could put aside years of bitterness and resentment, then so can I... for a day.
- Aunt Rita Barksdale: Oh, Amy, why do you say such ridiculous things?
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: Out loud? So, Jake. You're still with Helen, huh? Shows remarkable fortitude. And Roger. How's the skydiving going?
- Helen Morgendorffer: Amy, Roger passed away. This is Paul.
- Aunt Rita Barksdale: Oh. Sorry Paul. How do you do?
- Paul: Who's Roger?
- Quinn Morgendorffer: He fell onto a cow.
- Paul: Ick!
- Daria Morgendorffer: And he was one of the lucky ones.
- Helen Morgendorffer: Girls!
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: Hey, what's the point of a senseless tragedy if you can't find a little humor in it? I like the way you think, Daria.
- [Daria smiles]
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: I suppose you want to ask me what your mother was like as a child.
- Daria Morgendorffer: Okay. What was she?
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: A tightly wound pain in the ass.
- Daria Morgendorffer: New topic?
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: You name it.
- Aunt Rita Barksdale: [Rita and Helen are both drunk and crying] I love you, Helen!
- Helen Morgendorffer: I love you too, Rita!
- [Helen takes a long sip from a wine bottle]
- Erin's Bridesmaid: You must be Erin's cousins.
- Quinn Morgendorffer: I am, but Daria's her...
- [speaks quietly]
- Quinn Morgendorffer: cousin.
- Erin's Bridesmaid: What?
- Quinn Morgendorffer: Never mind.
- Daria Morgendorffer: Actually, I'm in the witness protection program. The Morgendorffers were kind enough to take me in after my real family was exterminated by the mob.
- Daria Morgendorffer: I'm an exotic dancer. You know, at a club. I take my clothes off and dance in front of strange men.
- Luhrman: She's really very good.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: I hate myself in formal dress... and everyone else too.
- [to Daria]
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: You don't look too thrilled about things either.
- Daria Morgendorffer: Oh no. I'm overjoyed to be at this big family event. Day-to-day life isn't humiliating enough.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: Let's see... you're in college now, or something?
- Daria Morgendorffer: Still high school, unfortunately.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: I have some vague memories of high school, but these days, you all carry weapons, right?
- Daria Morgendorffer: Well, not to formal occasions like this.
- Aunt Amy Barksdale: That's where you kids make your mistake.