Daria (TV Series)

College Bored (1997)

Tracy Grandstaff: Daria Morgendorffer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jane : What happened to all your paper-writing money?

  Daria : My mom wouldn't let me keep it. She said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them.

  Jane : So, she's giving up being a lawyer?

  Daria : I asked her that, and I'm sure some day we'll once again be on speaking terms.

• Kevin : [the whole class has been given a personality test]  Hey, Daria. What's the answer to the first question?

  Daria : You mean the one on who I really am? Try "cross-dresser."

  Kevin : Thanks, D.

• Professor : [Daria is daydreaming about her future college life]  Daria, I know it's only the first week of freshmen year, but I wonder if you'd consider transferring to the graduate school.

  Daria : I'm not really sure I want to be a professional student.

  Professor : But I don't want you to study. I want you to teach.

  Daria : Well...

  Professor : Not here, of course. On our Paris campus.

  Daria : Oh! Okay.

  Professor : Superb! Now I can use your dorm room to carry on affairs with some of the more beautiful undergraduates. Thank you!

  Daria : How come, even in my fantasies, everyone's a jerk?

• Daria : One more time: I am *not* taking a college prep course! Actually, I may just skip college and stay home. It'll save me the trouble of moving back in later.

  Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [Jake swerves into traffic in response, barely avoiding another car before straightening out]  Watch the road! Daria, if you don't get into a decent school your life will be ruined. End of discussion.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Way to go, Mom! She can't get her way all the time.

  Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Actually, Quinn, it wouldn't hurt if you took the course too.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Wait a minute!

  Daria : Maybe we can sit together!

• Daria : Okay, look, I'm not going to rewrite this paper for you, but I will give you a couple of tips that will help you rewrite it. First, the book title "Sons and Lovers" does not have an apostrophe in it... anywhere. Second, unless your ex-boyfriend is an authority on D.H. Lawrence, don't base your thesis on something he said while making out.

  College student : What about something he said when we broke up?

  Daria : ...no.

• Daria : Then we filled out this worksheet, and that was pretty much it. Money well spent, since it wasn't my money.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : You left out the best part.

  Daria : Getting a date with the instructor is only the best part to you.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : It's not a date. We're meeting to discuss scholarship options.

  Jake Morgendorffer : Scholarship? Way to go, sweetie.

  Daria : There's no such thing as a making-out scholarship.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Uh, excuse me, but I think he would know better than you.

• Quinn Morgendorffer : Anyway, the best part, I meant, was the trip.

  Jake Morgendorffer : What trip?

  Quinn Morgendorffer : We have to visit a college of our choosing.

  Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Great! We'll go to Middleton!

  Jake Morgendorffer : We'll all head up to the old alma mater this weekend!

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Wait! We get to pick the college, and no one said you could come.

  Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : But Quinn, your father and I would love it if you kids followed in our footsteps.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : We're walking? Ugh!

  Daria : [to Helen]  Maybe we should visit your old nursery school first.

• Jake Morgendorffer : [Daria walks in the living room and sees the rest of her family seated]  Hey, Daria! Come on in!

  Daria : Uh... what happened?

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Nothing - only somebody in this family turned out to be college material.

  Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Quinn was accepted to Manatee College in Florida!

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Remember those stupid worksheets we had to fill out for that course? Mine won.

  Jake Morgendorffer : I'm so proud of you, honey.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Manatee... it sounds kind of European, don't you think?

  Daria : Uh, did you guys read this letter?

  Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Yes, and it says right there that she's in.

  Daria : And here at the bottom it also says, "Manatee College has no classes, but offers beachfront accommodations at a cost of $10,000 per semester."

  Quinn Morgendorffer : That's even better than we thought, right, Dad?

  Jake Morgendorffer : [Snatches letter from Daria]  Give me that!

• Quinn Morgendorffer : [the car the Morgendorffers are in runs over road kill]  Daddy!

  Jake Morgendorffer : It was dead already, sweetheart. Just like the others.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : How do you know?

  Daria : You didn't hear any screaming, did you?

  Quinn Morgendorffer : I think people who run over animals should get run over themselves to see how they like it.

  Daria : What about unpopular animals?

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Unpopular animals don't count.

  Daria : What about the stupid ones?

  Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Come on, girls. We'll be at Susan and Doug's soon.

  Daria : Hooray.

  Jake Morgendorffer : It'll be fun. You can hang out with Ramona.

  Daria : Ramona's three.

• Heather : [a deliveryman drops off a paper for Heather]  My psych term paper. Finally. Nobody respects deadlines anymore.

  Daria : [Daria reads the paper]  Uh, you paid somebody to write this for you?

  Heather : It was a collaboration. My part was to say how long it should be and when it was due.

  Daria : But the first paragraph doesn't even make sense. How much did you pay for this?

  Heather : Fifty bucks.

  Daria : I can fix this for you for ten bucks.

  Heather : Really? Great.

  Roommate 1 : Wow. You know anything about the English Civil War?

  Roommate 2 : How about Renaissance painting?

  Daria : What I don't know, I can fake. But cash only. I don't take checks from college students.

• Daria Morgendorffer : Yeah. I'm tired of being at a school where the kids just think they're cooler than me. I want to go to one where they're smarter than me also.

• Jane : [Last lines]  All in all, then, the whole college experience kind of sucked.

  Daria : Pretty much.

  Jane : Does that mean *these* are the best years of our lives?

  Daria : I hope not.

  Quinn Morgendorffer : Ugh!

  [Quinn throws her soda in the instructor's face] 

  Quinn Morgendorffer : I should have known Daria was right about that making-out scholarship!

  Daria : But you've gotta admit, there are some pretty choice moments.