Curb Your Enthusiasm (TV Series)

The Corpse-Sniffing Dog (2002)

Larry David: Larry David

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susie Greene : You sick fuck Larry David. What the fuck do you think you're doing getting my kid drunk?

  Larry David : Drunk? What do you...

  Susie Greene : She's sluring her words, she's bumping into things, she stinks like a fucking rhino!

  Larry David : Oh! I poured some wine- and she must've

  Susie Greene : Oh! She must have accidentally. A seven year old, drank some wine?

  Larry David : The glasses! They must have gotten mixed up!

  Susie Greene : Do I look like a fucking idiot to you that I'm gonna believe that shit? You got her drunk and stood the fucking dog. Alright?

  Larry David : No! She- She said I could- have the dog.

  Susie Greene : She told you you could have the dog after you had her all fucked up on alcohol! All liquored up!

  Larry David : I thought It was- a speech Impediment.

  Susie Greene : You've known the kid since she was born and she suddenly developed a speech impediment?

  Larry David : That's what I found so confusing.

  Susie Greene : Alright, listen you four eyed fuck. She's at home, hysterical! That her dog is missing- I don't what you did with him, whether you took him to a charity , or some animal testing, you sicko, fucko, asshole.

  [Larry gets in the car] 

  Susie Greene : Get me the fucking dog!

• Larry David : [Larry is interviewing for the chef's position, and points to the bald chef's pate approvingly]  Yeah. Yeah! Hey, hey, look at you, look at you!

  Bald Chef : Yeah, look at you!

  Larry David : When did you start losing it?

  Bald Chef : Uh, I started losing when I was fifteen.

  Larry David : Fifteen, wow, earlier than me, yeah.

  Bald Chef : Yeah, a little bit earlier. You know, I actually like it.

  Larry David : Ah. Yeah. Me too.

  Bald Chef : Just put a little sunscreen on, it's fine.

  Larry David : Yeah, a lot of sunscreen, right? Can't go outside without the sunscreen. No convertibles.

  Bald Chef : No convertibles!

  Larry David : Oh, God, I hate that!

  Bald Chef : Absolutely. Because you have to wear a hat, if you're going to be in a convertible, and then you look like you're trying to hide something.

  Larry David : Oh, well, that's what they do, these guys with the hats, don't they? They wear it all the time, and they'll meet a girl or something and then they'll show up on a date, what are they gonna do? They gonna take the hat off? They have a terrible decision to make...

  Bald Chef : Right, right, and then the girl's gonna be like, "I didn't know you were bald."

  Larry David : Yeah, yeah. "You misrepresented yourself!"

  Bald Chef : Exactly. "You're a liar!"

  Larry David : Minoxidil?

  Bald Chef : No. You?

  Larry David : No.

  Bald Chef : Every day for the rest of your life you have to...

  Larry David : Oh my God the drops and everything? I ain't gonna do that...

  Bald Chef : ...and then they gotta massage it in.

  Larry David : ...it's crazy, yeah. Ugh.

  Bald Chef : There's something psychologically going wrong with them...

  Larry David : Psychologically wrong with THEM? What about the transplant people?

  Bald Chef : Oh! I hate those people.

  Larry David : Toupee? Hmm?

  Bald Chef : No.

  Larry David : [skeptically]  Huh?

  Bald Chef : Oh, no. Absolutely not!

  Larry David : Those guys, they should kill those guys.

  Bald Chef : Exactly.

  Larry David : I'm surprised Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

  Bald Chef : Yeah?

  Larry David : I mean if I'm going to be a sick megalomaniac, to round up people who I hated, they would be on my list. I would say, "Get, get the toupee people."

  Bald Chef : Absolutely.

  Larry David : I'd have my henchmen going around, tugging at people's hair; if it comes off...

  Bald Chef : [German accent]  "BALDEN! Come with me!" Yeah.

  Larry David : [German accent]  "... ACH! Balden!"

• Jeff Greene : [Larry walks out of the restaurant as Jeff runs up to him]  Larry! A dog! She chose a fucking dog over her own father!

  Larry David : You sat down, you layed it out...

  Jeff Greene : I talked to her! I told her, daddy's sick! He can't in the same house as Oscar, she wants Oscar! She wants the dog!

  Larry David : Okay, c-calm down...

  Jeff Greene : Where is the dog?

  Larry David : They took him back-to- to your house.

  Jeff Greene : My house? No, no. His house! It's his house! I'm at the W hotel. It's his house now!

  Larry David : By the way, they turned up a bra today. There's no corpse.

  Jeff Greene : [taken aback]  A bra?

  Larry David : Yeah. That...

  Jeff Greene : A bra- What the fuck is wrong with that dog?

  Larry David : [chuckles]  He's a bra sniffing dog.

  Jeff Greene : A bra sniffing dog? What the fuck!

  Larry David : So they're closing us down for three weeks now.

  Jeff Greene : Because of a bra?

  Larry David : Yeah, they dug up the whole place in there...

  Jeff Greene : [furious]  That fucking dog!

  Larry David : Hey, calm down.

  Jeff Greene : No!

  Larry David : Calm down!

  [laughs]