Curb Your Enthusiasm (TV Series)
The Christ Nail (2005)
Larry David: Larry David
Photos
Quotes
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Larry David : [referring to Susie Greene's bra size] You know what? I think she's about the same size as Maria, my housekeeper.
Jeff Greene : Really?
Larry David : Yeah. You know what size she is?
Jeff Greene : [looking toward Susie] No. I could find out.
Larry David : Would you?
Jeff Greene : Sure!
Larry David : Thank you. Thank you!
Jeff Greene : Do you know what Cheryl's size is?
Larry David : I just found out, and I gotta tell ya something - I'm a little disappointed.
Jeff Greene : Really? What, B cup?
Larry David : Aah, I'd rather not say.
Jeff Greene : C?
Larry David : I can't, you know...
Jeff Greene : 32? 34?
Larry David : I don't want to talk about it.
Jeff Greene : C'mon.
Larry David : I don't want to talk about it!
Jeff Greene : Come on! I'm giving you Susie's bra size, give me Cheryl's bra size. It's a trade.
Larry David : Aah, I can't. I don't want to.
Jeff Greene : You know what? You don't tell me Cheryl's, I ain't telling you Susie's!
Larry David : Okay. Fine.
Jeff Greene : Okay! Fine. I'm not the one who has to go out and buy a bra.
Larry David : I don't give a shit.
Jeff Greene : Oh yeah you do.
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Larry David : See this thing? It's a mezuzah. Got that? And I need you to put it over the door here. This is like a Jewish thing - you know, we put it over the door so every anti-Semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here, in case they want to burn down the house.
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Cheryl's Father : This is a nail. I bought this on the internet; it's from "The Passion Of The Christ".
Larry David : What are you, kidding?
Cheryl's Father : No. Kind of interesting...
Larry David : Is that one of those Christ nails from the movie?
Cheryl's Father : Mm-hmm, yeah. Have you seen it?
Larry David : [patronizingly] I *didn't* see it. I *missed* "The Passion Of The Christ"...
Cheryl's Father : Alright, you must... we have it on DVD...
Larry David : *Wish* I could have gone.
Cheryl's Father : They have all kinds of things on the internet, you know, for "The Passion Of The Christ".
Larry David : You're nuts about this Jesus guy, aren't you?
Cheryl's Father : Yeah. Well, I have a personal relationship with Christ.
Larry David : Really? See, I could see worshipping Jesus if he were a girl, like if God had a daughter... Jane. I'll worship a Jane. But, you know, to worship a guy... like a little kinda, you know, it's a little gay, isn't it?
Cheryl David : Uh, okay.
Cheryl's Father : The Son of God! What's the matter with you?
Cheryl David : Dad...
Larry David : No, I'm just saying, a girl...
Cheryl David : Larry...
Larry David : I would worship Jane, if he had a daughter Jane, I could have a relationship with a Jane.
Cheryl's Father : He didn't have a daughter!
Larry David : It's a shame it wasn't a girl. That's all I have to say.
Cheryl's Father : [disgusted] Uh!
Larry David : Good looking... zaftig... good sense of humor...
Cheryl David : [exasperated] *Okay*, that's fine.
Larry David : ...if he had a daughter, everybody, EVERYBODY would worship Jane. That's all I'm saying.
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Cheryl David : [Larry is examining the tags on Cheryl's bra] Larry?
Larry David : [startled] What?
Cheryl David : What are you doing? What were you doing?
Larry David : What? Nothing. I was... your bra was kind of, was about to fall off, and I was... I was putting it back on.
Cheryl David : Alright, and, I... felt like you were looking at... my size.
Larry David : Oh! Um...
[stammers]
Larry David : yeah... well... I didn't deliberately set out to look at the size, but I was, had the bra in my hand, and it was kind of like, you know, if you have a driver's license, you check out the date of birth. That's all.
Cheryl David : Ohhhhh-kay...
Larry David : Just uhh, checked it out.
Cheryl David : And uhh, what'd ya think?
Larry David : [stammering] Yeah... uh, OK, it's good.
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Maria : So he said "Mr. David can go fuck himself"
Larry David : That's what Jesus said?