- Lacey Burrows: Hank's short on cash and the paper boy industry is being taken over by twelve-year-olds.
- Brent Leroy: What's next, dogs chasing cats?
- Hank Yarbo: I lost my part-time job delivering papers.
- Brent Leroy: Oh, why'd they give you the boot?
- Hank Yarbo: Ah, something about lack of focus, reliability... it's kind of fuzzy.
- Lacey Burrows: I didn't know they delivered the Howler.
- Hank Yarbo: No, it was one of those big-city ones... The Globe & Post, or The Post & Beam... National Stick... I can't remember.
- Vicki Gabereau: Well, I'm with the world famous cartoonist, Brent Leroy. Tell me, Brent, is this the best your imagination can come up with, being on the Vicki Gabereau Show?
- Brent Leroy: What? I love your show!
- Vicki Gabereau: But this isn't even my set.
- Brent Leroy: Oh, this is all just in my head.
- Vicki Gabereau: Uh-huh. Well, your imagination sucks. I'm getting a coffee.
- [she leaves]
- [Lacey's tip jars are empty]
- Lacey Burrows: What's wrong with trees?
- Hank Yarbo: Dogs pee on 'em, they get sap on your clothes, you gotta rake up their leaves, they don't make any sound when they fall in the forest... no one trusts them.
- Lacey Burrows: Did you fall out of one? Maybe at an early age?
- Hank Yarbo: Let's not make this personal. Trees suck, is all.
- Emma Leroy: You're delivering papers? Wow, Oscar, I'm feeling something for you I've never felt before.
- Oscar Leroy: Pride?
- Emma Leroy: Pity.
- [Oscar is delivering papers]
- Emma Leroy: You're going to be out of the house all morning, every morning?
- Oscar Leroy: Damn straight.
- Emma Leroy: Chase your dreams, Oscar.
- Lacey Burrows: What do you think of the trivia section?
- Hank Yarbo: There's an air of triviality to it.
- Lacey Burrows: Makes you think, though. I mean, Brent's cartoon is funny but who knew that Saskatchewan was bigger than the entire country of Sweden?
- [cut to the office of the Premier of Saskatchewan]
- Lorne Calvert: So what do you think of that, Sweden?
- Wanda Dollard: Nice haul. I wish I got tips.
- Lacey Burrows: Oh, well... I work in the service industry.
- Wanda Dollard: I work at a service station. A station of service.
- Lacey Burrows: Yeah, but you don't serve food.
- Wanda Dollard: You mean Gummi-Floss isn't food?
- Emma Leroy: The phone's been ringing off the hook from people who didn't get their papers.
- Oscar Leroy: Well, don't look at me, I don't know how they got our number!
- Oscar Leroy: [to Brent] You're taking the food out of my mouth. I need to feed my family!
- Wanda Dollard: He is your family.
- Oscar Leroy: You're taking the food out of your own mouth!
- Wanda Dollard: Just adding a little something to augment my tips.
- [Brent glares at her]
- Wanda Dollard: I said *tips*.
- Brent Leroy: Hey, Dad! Good news, I'm out of the newspaper business.
- Oscar Leroy: How does that get me a red wagon?
- Brent Leroy: One sentence into the conversation, and you lost me.