- Jose Montoya: I've been counting bathrooms. We have four.
- Jesse Rodriguez: Good. That's how many I paid for.
- Jose Montoya: Four bathrooms? It's too many. It's a sin.
- Jesse Rodriguez: It's not a sin. A sin is waiting an hour for you to come out.
- James Kirkridge: [looks at each member of the Rodriguez family] Jesus, Maria, and Jose. That's Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Now I know why you have all the lights out front, so that when the Three Wise Men show up, they'll be able to find you.
- Maria Rodriguez: I just love the wreath on your front door.
- Kiki Kirkridge: Oh thank you. Well, we've had it for about five years now. Some black children were selling them door to door and we thought we'd better play it safe and buy one.
- Maria Rodriguez: How very... Christian of you.
- Scott Kirkridge: What do we tell them first, that we're married or your pregnant?
- Lady in Sauna: [walking in] I'd say married. If you start with pregnant, you might not live to tell anybody.
- James Kirkridge: God, it's hot. Hottest October since you were born.
- Billy Kirkridge: When was that?
- James Kirkridge: Are you asking me when you were born?
- Billy Kirkridge: Why, did you lie to me originally?
- Billy Kirkridge: What should I do with this box?
- James Kirkridge: I don't know. What's in it?
- Billy Kirkridge: Beats me.
- James Kirkridge: What's written on the box?
- Billy Kirkridge: Dad, do I have to read? It's Saturday.
- James Kirkridge: [after James mistook Jesse for the gardener] It was an honest mistake. You are standing out here, wearing work clothes, holding plants.
- Jesse Rodriguez: And I'm a Mexican.
- James Kirkridge: And you're a Mexican, so naturally I mistook you for a gardener.
- Jesse Rodriguez: You're an Anglo, standing out here in golf pants, but I didn't mistake you for Arnold Palmer.
- Jesse Rodriguez: Is that your son there?
- James Kirkridge: Yes.
- Jesse Rodriguez: Won't he let you in?
- James Kirkridge: He doesn't know that I am out here.
- Jesse Rodriguez: Can't you get his attention?
- James Kirkridge: No.
- Jesse Rodriguez: Try waving your pants.
- Linda Rodriguez: We should have told our parents at New Years.
- Scott Kirkridge: With your whole family around? No offense, but that's a pretty beefy bunch of uncles you got.
- James Kirkridge: Kiki, I miss the old house too, but we just can't afford it anymore.
- Kiki Kirkridge: Well, I just don't understand. When Father left you the business, it was doing so well.
- James Kirkridge: People aren't buying life insurance anymore, they're spending all their money on things like food. If your father had left us a supermarket, we'd be in Fat City.