- Coach Hayden Fox: I no longer need your money. What I need, Mrs. Rizzendough, is your respect.
- Mrs. Rizzendough: You have a better chance of getting my money.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Luther, you could drive a dead man crazy.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: You're just saying that because you're my friend.
- Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski: Hey, coach.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Hey, Dauber.
- Judy Watkins: Hi, Hayden.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Hey, Olive Oyl.
- Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski: I hate to bug you on Sunday, but we just came by to see if we can borrow your ladder.
- Coach Hayden Fox: You're kidding, right?
- Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski: No sir.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Well, between the two of you, what is there you can't reach? No, wait, wait, wait, let me guess. You bought a hat and you want to put it on Judy's head.
- Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski: Uh, actually, coach...
- Coach Hayden Fox: No, come on, let me guess here. I can get this. She's concerned about the ozone layer and she wants to see it for herself.
- Judy Watkins: If you have any questions, ask Michael.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Hey Michael, why are you dating Judy?