Clerks (TV Series)

The Clipshow Wherein Dante and Randal Are Locked in the Freezer and Remember Some of the Great Moments in Their Lives (2000)

Jeff Anderson: Randal Graves

Photos 

Quotes 

• British Man : [asking for cigarettes]  Pack of fags.

  Randal Graves : You're a fag.

  British Man : It's a cigarette, mate.

  Randal Graves : I'm not your mate, fag.

• Randal Graves : I am going to restock the shelves and then I'm off to accept my Nobel Peace Prize. As for you Dante, don't let that door shut.

• Randal Graves : The weed of crime bears bitter fruit you old hag.

• Dante Hicks : It's funny. Sitting here, waiting to die. You know what I've been thinking about?

  Randal Graves : Which one of them we're gonna eat?

• Randal Graves : You know, if this were a sitcom, we'd probably flash back to all our old episodes.

  Dante Hicks : Yeah.

  Randal Graves : Say, do you remember that time Leonardo Leonardo tried to open that convenience store across the street?

  Randal Graves : Oh yes. The convenience store of the future.

  Leonardo Leonardo : [Flash back to Leonardo Leonardo]  I give you the people of Leonardo, the future.

  [Leonardo Leonardo reveals the Quicker Stop] 

  Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the freezer]  I thought we were in trouble for sure.

  Randal Graves : Speaking of trouble, how about that time Leonardo had us in his office?

  Leonardo Leonardo : [Flashback to Leonardo talking with Dante and Randal]  I want to offer you a job working here, for me. I want you lock, stock, and barrel.

  Randal Graves : Is this some sort of gay thing?

  Leonardo Leonardo : No.

  Randal Graves : You're sure?

  Leonardo Leonardo : Yyyyess...

  Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the freezer]  That was the same time.

  Randal Graves : What?

  Dante Hicks : That was the same time Leonardo Leonardo opened the convenience store across the street.

  Randal Graves : Right. Well what about the time we broke into his office?

  Randal Graves : [Flashback to Dante and Randal looking like they're trying to climb the building]  We're almost there.

  Dante Hicks : [a flower pot falls and breaks in between where Dante and Randal are standing]  Why are walking like this?

  [the camera reveals they are walking from right to left instead of climbing up] 

  Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the freezer]  That was also last week.

  Randal Graves : So?

  Dante Hicks : So a lot more has happened to us than just last week.

  Randal Graves : Oh yeah? Name something.

  Dante Hicks : Do you remember the first time we met?

  Randal Graves : Oh yeah.

  [the same flashback] 

  Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the frezer]  That wasn't the first time we met, that was last week again.

• Dante Hicks : I guess we're not lucky at love or cards.

  Randal Graves : Which is why we almost became priests, remember?

  Priest : [In a singing voice]  Do you novitiates Hicks and Graves, before God and his church, now voluntarily take the solemn vows of obedience, poeverty, cand chastity?

  Dante Hicks , Randal Graves : [In a singing voice]  We do.

  Priest : Then by the powers invested in me by the state of New Jersey, I now pronounce you man and wife.

  Dante Hicks , Randal Graves : [Freaking out]  What?

• Randal Graves : Do you remember the time she got you to help paint her house?

  [while painting the house, Randal sees Caitlin making out with the painter] 

  Dante Hicks : Nobody's perfect.

  Randal Graves : What about the time at your dad's birthday party?

  [People singing for Dante's dad] 

  Dante Hicks : Where's Caitlin?

  [Randal sees Caitlin making out with the painter again] 

  Dante Hicks : I thought it was the weird that she invited the painter to my dad's birthday party.

  Randal Graves : And what about that time at the painter's birthday party?

  [At the painter's birthday party, Randal sees Caitlin making out with the painter again] 

  Dante Hicks : I thought it was weird that the painter invited us to his birthday party.

  Randal Graves : I rest my case.

• Randal Graves : Do you want to watch a video?

  Dante Hicks : Good idea, what do you have.

  Randal Graves : Spielberg's latest opus. It combines his nose for commercial properties with is integrity as a chronicler of the Holocaust. Flintstone's List. Liam Neeson is Fred.

  Dante Hicks : We're not watching that. Remember the time we watched that?

  [Flashback to Dante and Randal watching the movie] 

  Dante Hicks : [a part of the movie is shown] 

  Randal Graves : Amistad was much funnier.

• Jerry Seinfeld : Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld.

  Dante Hicks : I'm on a break.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Why does 2% milk...

  Dante Hicks : I said I don't care. Get out.

  Gwyneth Paltrow : But I have a membership. Paltrow, Gwyneth.

  Randal Graves : I said get out.

  Dante Hicks : We're closed. Get out.

  Randal Graves : Get the hell out, Scorsese.

  Dante Hicks : Screw you, Miss Hepburn.

  Randal Graves : Up yours, Matt Damon.

  [Randal throws a soda at Matt Damon] 

• Randal Graves : I can't believe I married two guys in one year.

• Dante Hicks : Boy, it wasn't until years later that we found out what "fag" REALLY meant. Right, "mate"?

  Randal Graves : You're a fag.

  Dante Hicks : No, a fag's a cigarette, remember?

  Randal Graves : You're a cigarette.

• Woman with grocery bag : It's Ted Danson.

  Woman with stroller : Hey, it's Ted Danson.

  Dante Hicks : Hey, it's Ted Danson...

  Randal Graves : It's payback time.

  [throws a soda at Ted Danson] 

• Randal Graves : Get the hell out, Scorsese.

  Dante Hicks : Screw you, Miss Hepburn.

  Randal Graves : Up yours, Matt Damon.

• Dante Hicks : Let's make sure, whatever we do, this never happens again.

  Randal Graves : You know what this reminds me of? The last time we got locked in a freezer. Remember?

• Dante Hicks : Oh, Caitlin...

  Randal Graves : Caitlin, schmaitlin. She left you an obsessed wreck of a man who works below minimum wage in a convenience store.

  Dante Hicks : You work here too.

  Randal Graves : At least I have my dignity. And tapes of you having sex with Caitlin.

• Woman Customer : I have been waiting here for two hours. Open up the video store.

  Randal Graves : In a minute, ya harpie.

• Randal Graves : Pssst. They're using all our air.

  Dante Hicks : No they're not.