- Kelly Garrett: Hey, I think that's a good idea, Kris. Your uncle could deputize maybe, uh, two or three of those ladies, give them assignments by phone; let them do all the work and he just lays back and relax.
- John Bosley: That is an absolutely preposterous idea.
- Charles Townsend: I agree Bosley. Totally aburd.
- Sabrina Duncan: Never work.
- Kris Munroe: No, of course not. I don't know any woman who would accept something like that. Do you?
- Kelly Garrett: Absolutely not.
- Kris Munroe: Well, we're from the Townsend Agency and we're here on a few days vacation.
- Ed Fellows: [perks up] Oh, models!
- Kris Munroe: No, detectives.
- Lydia Danvers: They're my friends, and my husband is there. I can't do any less than my best for them. I have to take as much risk as they're taking. If I don't, it makes me as old, as helpless as you think I am.
- John Bosley: [aiming a gun at Haller] The way I see it, you got three choices: you give it all up, you can make us shoot you or, we can have them at you.
- Haller: [turns to face a group of angry elderly ladies carrying sticks and stones] I give! Keep away from me. Keep them away from me!
- Granny: [with disgust] Pity!
- Kelly Garrett: Bosley, level with us. Are you actually picking up the tab for the whole three days in Arizona, food and lodging?
- John Bosley: Well no, not actually, Charlie's paying for this little western vacation. Personally, I feel his actions are dangerously generous.
- Kelly Garrett: Meaning he'll spoil us?
- John Bosley: Meaning that a smart detective is a hungry detective.
- Kris Munroe: What about a thirsty detective, Bosley?
- John Bosley: Oh yes, his reckless actions also include beverages as well.
- Paul Danvers: Who are these men?
- Dressler: [pointing a gun at the sheriff] It'll all be explained to you when you get on the bus.
- Paul Danvers: It'll be explained to me now!
- Dressler: Sheriff, what I have in mind will work wether you're on that bus or lying dead here. Don't push your luck.