- Judge Ben 'Fair and Square' Wiley: Of all the hard-ridin', hard-shootin', just plain hard hombres that ever plagued the American frontier, about the worst was a passle of outlaws that called themselves "The Wild Bunch." Butch Cassidy was the leader. They seemed to be headin' for the Mexican border. The border's not far south of Wileyville. The only way across it for a good many miles is the toll road through Redskin Gap. The combination toll collector, border guard and chief cook is a retired sea dog named Barnacle Barney. Barney got so homesick for the sea, he fitted the toll station out like a ship's bridge. And you can imagine how facinatin' a set-up like that could be for an bright kid like Buffalo Bill Jr.'s kid sister, my adopted daughter, Calamity.
- Buffalo Bill Jr.: If we don't do something right away, Butch Cassidy will get across the border. Calamity, when the Judge gets back on Old Nellie, you tell him...
- Calamity: Oh, no! I'm going with you.
- Buffalo Bill Jr.: No you're not.
- Calamity: And why not?
- Buffalo Bill Jr.: For two very good reasons. First, you're a little girl.
- Calamity: That reason's no good! Now, what's the other one?
- Buffalo Bill Jr.: Butch Cassidy is loose and he's dangerous.
- Calamity: But I won't be safe away from you, 'cause I'm just a little girl.
- Gil Carter: Then you knew we were after Mexican money.
- Butch Cassidy: Why sure! In Mexico, you need Mexican money.
- [last lines]
- [the Judge returns from the county seat and finds Butch Cassidy and the Wild Bunch locked in a jail cell]
- Judge Ben 'Fair and Square' Wiley: Who, ah?
- Marshal Jeffrey: They did it.
- Calamity: We helped get the money back and capture Butch Cassidy and the Wild Bunch. We're heroes!
- Judge Ben 'Fair and Square' Wiley: So? Well, one of you little heroes is going to have to wash the dishes tonight and the other's gonna have to chop a pile of wood.
- Buffalo Bill Jr.: Oh, now just a minute, Judge.
- Judge Ben 'Fair and Square' Wiley: And to make dead sure that the job gets well done, I'm going to take both of you into protective custody and see that it is done. Now, give me your hands.
- [In the ensueing confusion, the Judge snaps the handcuffs on his own wrists]
- Judge Ben 'Fair and Square' Wiley: Well, how in tarnation did I...
- Buffalo Bill Jr.: Looks like you've taken yourself into protective custody.
- Judge Ben 'Fair and Square' Wiley: Better get the file again, Bill. Looks like I've lost my key.