Photos
Quotes
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Eddie : They're the Queen's jugs.
Richie : A. The Queen doesn't have jugs, she's royalty! B. If she did, she certainly wouldn't get 'em out on the back of a fiver, she'd save 'em up for the fifty!
Eddie : If you have a look at my fifty, you may find it a bit more risque.
[Richie glances at it and winces]
Richie : Eddie, that's tantamount to treason!... She's got three knockers!
Eddie : No, that's Bobby Charlton in the middle.
Richie : Are you insane? You couldn't buy these under the counter in Hamburg!
Eddie : That's the point, mate. The barkeeper will be so mesmerised by the classy erotica, I'll have had ten pints by the time he realises how crap the squiggly lines are!
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Dick Head : I've just been on to one of my pals. Skullcrusher Henderson, who as it happens, is *the* master counterfeiter of old London town and he takes a very dim view to people muscling in on his patch. Some might say an almost psychotically, violently dim view.
Eddie : So?
Dick Head : So Eddie...
Eddie : Uh, uh, my name is... Deidre Barlow.
Spudgun : So's mine.
Dave Hedgehog : Me too.
Eddie : [Pointing to Richie] And his.
Dick Head : Well, Deidres, Skullcrusher is very, very angry with you.
Richie : Do you think we should send him some flowers?
Dick Head : No I'm afraid it's beyond flowers. Basically he says that unless you stop printing and come up with five grand by closing time tonight, he's gonna come round here and crush your skulls.
Eddie : Is that bad?
Richie : [Trembling] And that's why the call him the skullcrusher.
Dick Head : Exactly. So, until tonight, gentlemen.
Richie : I think I need to go to the lavvy!
Eddie : Yeah, me too!
Spudgun : And me!
Dave Hedgehog : I've just been!
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Eddie : [slyly] Evening Dick, lovely weather.
Dick Head : [bluntly] It's raining.
Eddie : Yes. Is that a guard's tie you're wearing?
Dick Head : Yeah it is actually.
Eddie : Well maybe you should give it back to him.
[laughs]
Eddie : Right enough of conversational pleasantries. Drinks all round!
Dick Head : Well of course it's drinks all round, it's a pub!
Eddie : No, I mean drinks all round us. What you having boys?
Richie : Palpitations, has he seen the cash yet?
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Richie : God, I'm bored! I'm so bored, I could watch a whole episode of The Bill without vomiting blood!
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Richie : [being forced to pay off Skullcrusher, an irate forger] Is there some sort of problem, officer?
'Skullcrusher' Henderson : I can't take this. It's forged!
Eddie : No it's not!
'Skullcrusher' Henderson : Yes it is! I'm the one who forged it!
[holds up a note and points to where the Queen's face should be]
'Skullcrusher' Henderson : Look, that ain't the Queen, it's Danny LaRue!
Eddie : Well, it's *a* queen!
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Richie : [Examining his glass of Pernod] And they say Toulouse Lautrec used to drink this? No wonder his legs fell off and all his painting were crap.
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Richie : [Richie enters Eddie's room and sees the printing machine] Eddie! You've been...
Eddie : That's right me old black-hearted, jackanape, bounty hunter from the devil's lavatory! I've been forging money. No more living on the edge of society for us, no more tick, no more nicking! No more... running into off-licences and seeing how much we can drink before the police arrive.
[He takes a handful of money]
Eddie : Spudgun, have twenty-five grand. Hedgehog, have a hundred grand! Richie, have a £15 note.
Richie : Fifteen?
Eddie : Yeah it's a misprint, but very rare, could be worth up to 20p in a couple of years or so.
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Richie : All set?
Eddie : They don't stand a chance.
Richie : Spudgun, what's your special subject?
Spudgun : Oh, I had it a minute ago.
Richie : Hedgehog, what's yours?
Dave Hedgehog : I'll have a pint, please.
Richie : It's a start. Look, I'll cover, Eng, Hist, Geog, Chem, Phys, Bilg, Lat, Fr and Gym. OK? All the brainy middle class stuff. Eddie, what are you covering?
Eddie : The exits.
Richie : Right, off we go. Are you nervous, Eddie?
Eddie : No, I think it's that bloke on that table over there.
Richie : Well, tell him to put a cork in it!
