- When Eddie returns home all drunk on a bottle of Old Spice, Richie and Eddie find their flat being burgled and manages to catch one of the burglars. When Richie and Eddie ties up the Burgular with sellotape, Richie and Eddie tries to think what to do with him and the loot he has burgled from other houses. Should they kill the Burgular than hand him over to the local police? or kill him or should they keep the loot for themselves and move away to the Bahamas?—Daniel Williamson
- Eddie comes home at 1:30 in the morning having been sent out to collect two fish suppers, but instead blew the money at the pub and then on Old Spice in a chemist's sale. Eddie helps himself to some bleach from under the sink, knocking himself out, Richie makes a failed attempt to rouse him.
Richie is irked that the fish suppers and Scrabble are cancelled and sends Eddie to bed with the help of a noose. Richie retires to his room to masturbate only for a sound from downstairs to draw him out of his room, Richie hears someone overturning the living room and wakes Eddie, they discuss how to handle the situation and Eddie proposes surrendering, but that idea is Veto'd quickly.
Eddie retrieves an old service revolver from his room which Richie believes that Eddie will fend off the burglars, Eddie actually intends to shoot the lock off the roof hatch for their escape, Richie instead offers to use the key. In absence of a ladder Richie has to climb on Eddie's back to unlock the hatch, but he slips and grabs hold of the landing light, Eddie switches the light on and Richie falls, Eddie fires some shots downstairs to cover Richie but Richie had fallen on one of the burglars. They take him into the living room and plot what to do next, the rope is nowhere to be seen (because Richie used it to get Eddie upstairs), so they restrain him with sellotape.
After some botched attempts at interrogation Richie calls the police, when Eddie finds the burglar's loot Richie cancels the call, but not before giving the police the address. The boys go to leave with the loot but they can't leave the burglar as a witness. Eddie suggests killing him, they brew up some tea poisoned with pigeon pellets, however Eddie forgets which mug he poisoned, he insists it's the yellow one, but all the mugs are yellow. Instead the burglar is force-fed all three mugs.
Mere seconds later the burglar vomits up the tea, then the police knock at the door. Richie goes to get rid of them while Eddie hides the burglar, the police enter the flat and notice the mess, however the boys just play stupid and the police leave. Eddie hid the burglar by taping him to the ceiling, but they don't know how to bring him down. While pondering methods, a second burglar, an accomplice of the first sneaks in through the window and knocks out Richie and Eddie.
The next morning the boys wake up to find the flat cleared out and they have been tied to chairs with mousetraps at their groins, a note is taped to Eddie's knee reading: "Sue Carpenter." The boys get erections and the traps snap shut on their genitals.
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