- Denny Crane: I don't fear death, I never have. But I am afraid of being hooked up to a machine. All those tubes, brain... mush. Would you like to live like that?
- Alan Shore: No. If it came to that, my friend, I would... pull your plug.
- Denny Crane: Pull a plug? What kind of a death is that? I want you to shoot me!
- Alan Shore: Oh my God, you're a lawyer.
- Lester Treemont: Yes. Several of us are.
- Alan Shore: Let me tell you two things about myself. I too am a lawyer, I can be painfully vindictive and I do not play fair.
- Lester Treemont: That's three things.
- Alan Shore: See? Not playing fair already and I'm just getting started.
- Phyllis Deaver: And these private schools have become so competitive, they don't need to let anyone in who isn't perfect.
- Alan Shore: When I was in school, the closest I ever came to that appellation was to be called a perfect bastard.
- Paul Lewiston: Brad, since your attempt to bribe Denny's fiancée to leave him failed so miserably, we must now stay on her good side, lest she tell Denny. You have to win this case. Quickly. And quietly.
- Brad Chase: It's friggin' Shakespeare around here.