Blackadder II (TV Series)

Money (1986)

Ronald Lacey: Bishop of Bath & Wells

Quotes 

• Bishop of Bath and Wells : [Blackadder has blackmailed the Bishop with a nude painting of him with Percy]  Never, in all my years, have I encountered such cruel and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the church?

  Blackadder : No, I could never get used to the underwear.

• Bishop of Bath and Wells : Never have I encountered such foul, mindless perversity. Have you considered a career in the church?

• Bishop of Bath and Wells : [the Bishop is preparing to ram a red-hot poker up Blackadder's bottom, but takes a swig from a flagon offered by Baldrick]  Bend over, Blackadder! This is where you get...

  [gags, clutches at throat] 

  Bishop of Bath and Wells : Drugged, by God!

  Blackadder : No, by Baldrick actually, but the effect is much the same.

• Baldrick : It's that priest. He still wants to see you.

  Blackadder : And did you mention the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells?

  Baldrick : I did, My Lord.

  Blackadder : And what did he say?

  Bishop of Bath and Wells : He said I AM the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells!

• Blackadder : Supposing I was to say to you something like, I'm a close friend of the Queen, and that she'd be very interested to hear about you and Molly and the wimple. So, why don't we call it quits, eh, fatso?

  Bishop of Bath and Wells : I would say firstly, that the Queen would not believe you.

  [pulls out a red-hot poker] 

  Bishop of Bath and Wells : And secondly, you'll regret calling me fatso later today!

  Blackadder : Ah.

  Bishop of Bath and Wells : I will have my money by evensong tonight, or... YOUR BOTTOM WILL WISH IT HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!

• [threatening Blackadder with a red-hot poker] 

  Bishop of Bath and Wells : I shall make your bottom wish it had never been *born*!