- Jethro Bodine: I was just doin' my Yogi exercises.
- Jed Clampett: Hangin' upside down? Then is possum exercises.
- Jed Clampett: You mind explainin' to me what a guru is?
- Jethro Bodine: Guru is one of them teachers over in India. They know all the secrets of the far east. They teach you how to meditate, go out of your mind.
- Jed Clampett: I think you're gettin the hang of that.
- Elly May Clampett: Are you gonna learn Jethro to meditate, escape the flesh?
- Guru: I am.
- Elly May Clampett: Could you learn me?
- Guru: Oh, you don't want to escape flesh like that.
- Daisy Moses: Howdy Mr. Guru. Nice day ain't it?
- Guru: Oh yes. Yes it is.
- Daisy Moses: Shall we drink to that?
- Guru: Oh, we gurus are abstainers.
- Daisy Moses: This will take out stains.