- Jed Clampett: Come on, Herb. Come on and show Granny how nice you look.
- [the gorilla enters wearing clothes]
- Jed Clampett: What do you think, Granny?
- Daisy Moses: He looks like Lafe Crick.
- Jed Clampett: Them is Lafe's overalls he's wearin'. Good thing he left 'em behind.
- Jane Hathaway: Why, that gorilla in the zoo has the strength of 12 full-grown men.
- Jed Clampett: Wellll doggies! He'd be handy to have around, wouldn't he, Granny?
- Jed Clampett: Miss Jane wasn't foolin' when she said this rascal was stronger than 12 men.
- Jethro Bodine: Man, if we ever get him calmed down, he's gonna be a wood-choppin', plow-pullin' son of a gun.
- Milburn Drysdale: I'm trying to establish a rapport with him.
- Daisy Moses: If he needs a rap, use this on him.
- [hands Mr. Drysdale a switch]
- Milburn Drysdale: The Clampetts think you're a real gorilla.
- Herbie the Gorilla - Tom Kelly: Oh, you're gonna think so too unless you give me my dough.
- Milburn Drysdale: Oh no no. No no. We made a deal. And you're a professional actor.
- Herbie the Gorilla - Tom Kelly: And I'm also a wood chopper, and a nursemaid to a chimp, and as soon as I get finished ironing these flour-sack drawers, that big goon, Jethro's gonna hook me up to a plow.
- Jed Clampett: Ain't a gorilla a critter?
- Jethro Bodine: Well, yeah. Except he's smarter than most. Purty near as smart as me.
- Jed Clampett: Do tell.
- Jethro Bodine: Pretty near as big as me too, and can work like me.
- Daisy Moses: Well, if he eats like you, forget it. I ain't cookin' for another table buzzard.
- Daisy Moses: I'll learn you to pick on a poor, weak, helpless ol' lady.
- [bends the steel bars on the cage and goes in after the gorilla]
- Jethro Bodine: Lookit that.
- Jed Clampett: He hadn't ought to got Granny riled.
- Daisy Moses: You're goin' to the woodshed. And when I'm done with you, your heart won't be the only thing burnin'.