- Jed Clampett: [Greeting Mrs. Drysdale who has shown up unexpectedly] Well, howdy there, Mrs. Drysdale, sure is a nice surprise to have you come visit. Pearl and me were just talking about you this morning. Pearl's got a hankering to getting into society, and I said, well I hear tell when it comes to society, Mrs. Drysdale is one of the first hogs to the trough!
- Jed Clampett: Pearl'd like to get in with those society women like Ms. Drysdale.
- Daisy Moses: Yeah. Pearl always was one to want better than what she could afford.
- Jed Clampett: That's Pearl: too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Do I have your permission to put everything in readiness for the arrival of Mrs. Smith-Standish?
- Milburn Drysdale: Oh you have indeed.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Good. I'll have the Clampetts moved out immediately.
- Milburn Drysdale: Fine... What? Margaret, come back here!
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: I should have listened to Mother. She warned me against marrying a common bank president.
- Jed Clampett: Say, you're lookin' a mite green around the gills. Come inside and have a mess of Granny's jowls and sorghum. That'll put you to feelin' bushy tailed.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Mr. Clampett, I'm expecting very important company. Priscilla Ralph Alden Smith-Standish.
- Jed Clampett: Well bring 'em along. We got plenty for the whole bunch.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Priscilla Rolfe Alden Smith-Standish is only one woman and probably the world's greatest authority on colonial history, early American genealogical origins, and 17th and 18th century artifacts. And she is the esteemed president of the F. F. T. of A.
- Jed Clampett: Well we sure would be proud to meet her.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: I shall call upon every resource to avert such a social catastrophe!
- Jed Clampett: Well thank you very kindly.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Look what this lye soap has done to my hands!
- Daisy Moses: Yeah. They is nice and pink and rosy, ain't they?
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Raw! Raw! Raw!
- Daisy Moses: I don't blame you for cheerin'.
- Daisy Moses: You put it smack dab right in the middle of this room.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: Don't you dare! This floor's clean enough to eat off of.
- Daisy Moses: Good. Elly, fetch my pot of jowls off of the stove
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: You splatter one drop of jowl juice on this floor and I'll wrap this spinnin' wheel around your neck.
- Daisy Moses: You touch that spinnin' wheel and there'll be more than jowl juice splattered on this floor.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: You lay a hand on me and I'll bash you over the head so hard your shoes will have three toes.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: [Mrs. Drysdale is learning how to make lye soap] I've lost my coiffure, my mascara, and my manicure.
- Daisy Moses: Well best forget about 'em, honey. If they fell in that soap, they is dissolved by now.
- Mrs. Smith-Standish: May I get some pictures?
- Jed Clampett: What kind of pictures?
- Mrs. Smith-Standish: Still pictures.
- Daisy Moses: She's a dad-blamed revenooer!