- Elly May Clampett: Jethro, I can do them "Ho ho ho"s better'n you. Let me try bein' Santa.
- Jethro Bodine: You dumb ol' elf. Girls can't be Santa. You'd look silly in a beard. Besides, it took 5 pillows and 19 helpings of Granny's grits to get me up to size.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: As a gift, why don't you give the Clampetts a nice long vacation in some tropical retreat, like Devil's Island.
- Daisy Moses: [Using her mind-reading potion to find out what Mrs. Drysdale wants for Christmas] Wait, I see it, clear as a bell. It's shoes! She wants new shoes.
- Jed Clampett: Granny, them's your shoes. Your potion done et through the table.