- Daisy Moses: Jed, how come Jake and Dora didn't write us their daughter was comin' to Californy?
- Jed Clampett: Could be cuz they can't write.
- Jed Clampett: They're all good pictures. What are you askin' for these, Colonel Foxhole?
- Colonel Foxhall: Foxhall, sir. I'm asking one million dollars.
- Daisy Moses: A million dollars?
- Jed Clampett: Well I ain't bought many pictures, but that does seem a mite steep.
- Milburn Drysdale: Mr. Clampett, if you don't meet his price, these pictures will appear on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper.
- Jed Clampett: Well there's a idea, Granny. Let's wait 'til tomorrow and cut 'em outta the paper.
- Daisy Moses: You can blame Jethro for the state I'm in. I declare, Jed, that boy is turnin' into a first class girl chaser.
- Jed Clampett: Well I always said, if you're gonna do somethin', do it well.
- Jed Clampett: Granny, when you got as many young'uns as the Fettys, you don't need too big a reason for gettin' shed of one.
- Daisy Moses: They sure had a housefull, didn't they?
- Jed Clampett: They did for a fact. You throwed a roack on that roof, it looked like school was lettin' out.
- Jed Clampett: And now she's crazy mad in love with you, huh?
- Jethro Bodine: Is she ever!. Why all the way home, she kept tryin' to get me to drive to some out-of-the-way place so we could be alone.
- Jed Clampett: No foolin'.
- Jethro Bodine: Yeah. Kept askin' me to get lost.
- Jed Clampett: Miss Emaline 'n me'll be married right off.
- Colonel Foxhall, Emaline Fetty: Married?
- Jed Clampett: Code of the hills demands it. I done seen her in her skimpies and flimsies. We'll leave for Bug Tussle tonight and honeymoon in Snyder's Swamp.
- Emaline Fetty: What?
- Jed Clampett: We'll move into that little shack back to Possum Ridge with your Ma and Pa and 17 sisters.