- Daisy Moses: This is a pecan twirl with kumquat icing. On his last birthday, Jethro ate one of these in 2 minutes flat, candles and all... and they was still burnin'!
- Jed Clampett: [Jethro is reciting poetry to Duke] There's nothin' wrong with a boy likin' his dog, but don't you think he'd rather have a nice bone?
- Jed Clampett: Oh, you got yerself a girlfriend, huh?
- Jethro Bodine: Yeah, we's gonna be married, live in a fine covered cottage and have scads of kids and live happy ever after... if I could work out just one problem.
- Jed Clampett: What's that?
- Jethro Bodine: She hates me.
- Jed Clampett: If you wanna know what bait they're bitin' on, ask the fella who's catchin' his limit.
- Dash Riprock: [answers telephone] Marie, of course I remember you. Now don't say that, darling.
- [opens file drawer, searches under M and pulls out an index card]
- Dash Riprock: How could I forget that night at uh, Cirio's. You were wearing a beautiful blue dress with pearls. I remember we talked about... your mother's trip to Omaha? I haven't stopped thinking about that evening for one moment.
- Jethro Bodine: [reading Dash Riprock's notes] Let's make this our evening to remember.
- Susie: Go jump in the lake.
- Jethro Bodine: [reading Dash Riprock's notes] I'll be looking forward to it.