- Mrs. Millicent Schuyler-Potts: Date of Birth?
- Jethro Bodine: Uh, December the 4th.
- Mrs. Millicent Schuyler-Potts: Year?
- Jethro Bodine: No, Ma'am, back home. We only been yere a few weeks.
- Mrs. Millicent Schuyler-Potts: Now then, how do you gentlemen like your tea?
- Jethro Bodine: Um, we don't know, Ma'am. We ain't tasted it yet.
- Daisy Moses: I know what Pearl went there to keep an eye on -- that Mr. Brewster.
- Jed Clampett: Well now, Granny, Pearl's a widow woman. She got a right to look.
- Daisy Moses: I ain't knockin' it. I got my eyes open myself.
- Mrs. Millicent Schuyler-Potts: YOU... are in the 5th grade?
- Jethro Bodine: Yes, Ma'am! Just finished three years in the 4th.
- Jethro Bodine: [reading from Pearl's letter] "We knowed it was Jasper." Uh, "He was there to get Jethrine. Her beauty had set his heart to burnin' with flamin' desire."
- Elly May Clampett: What's "flamin' desire," Pa?
- Jed Clampett: Well, uh, Granny'll explain that to you later.
- Daisy Moses: Well, I'll try, but you're sure countin' a heap on my memory.
- [Jed rises to head out and register Jethro for school]
- Jed Clampett: Granny, you pack up a nice lunch for Jethro to tote along.
- Daisy Moses: How about a big mess of poke greens, chitlins with some pour in a big pot of sorghum to dip it in.
- Jethro Bodine: Fine.
- Jed Clampett: Now, Granny, it don't have to be that fancy. Some of the other boys here in Beverly Hills might not have it so good. They'd go to complainin' to their folks.
- Daisy Moses: Let 'em complain. It ain't gonna hurt none to raise their standard a little.
- Jethro Bodine: [reading a letter from Pearl] His name is Jasper He.
- Daisy Moses: Jasper "HE?"
- Elly May Clampett: That's a funny name.
- Jethro Bodine: [checking Pearl's letter] Oh. They's a dot in there. "His name is Jasper. He wears..."
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: Oh, them feet. If they get any bigger, you're gonna have to go outside to turn around.
- Mrs. Millicent Schuyler-Potts: Now, we need to know the complete birth date, which in turn gives us the exact age. Now, we have December 4th, and judging from the fact that your nephew is entering the fifth grade, I would surmise that the year is, um, '51 or '52. Am I correct?
- Jed Clampett: Oih, Jethro ain't NEAR that old.
- Mrs. Millicent Schuyler-Potts: Oh, really? And in the fifth grade? Well, that's wonderful. Well, perhaps we have a budding genius on our hands.
- Elly May Clampett: What's a "embrace," Pa?
- Jed Clampett: Well, that's when folks kinda twine their arms around one another.
- Elly May Clampett: You mean like wrasslin'?
- Jed Clampett: It's sorta like wrasslin' except, uh, they ain't mad.
- Elly May Clampett: Then it's like wrasslin' for fun.
- Jed Clampett: Yeah, I reckon you could say that.