- Daisy Moses: [about champagne] It beats me how anybody can get juiced on that sody pop! Ain't got no wallop at all!
- Jed Clampett: You know the Sibley sodbuster do you?
- Phyllis: Oh no, but I'll learn, and I'm going to show you a few things along the way.
- [dances suggestively around Jed]
- Jed Clampett: Dogged if that ain't got the Sibley sodbuster backed right off the floor.
- Daisy Moses: So, you've been wantin' to meet me have you?
- Clifton Cavanaugh: Yes, and now that I have... Au revoir.
- [heads for the door]
- Daisy Moses: HEY! that's the wrong way! The parlor's in here!
- Jane Hathaway: [wearing a blonde wig] Jethro, I have found that the intellectual approach has a limited appeal, romantically speaking, so I have decided to become a glamour girl. What do you think of the idea?
- Jethro Bodine: Well, I think it's swell.
- Jane Hathaway: Thank you.
- Jethro Bodine: When ya gonna start?
- Elly May Clampett: Granny sure is happy, ain't she, Pa?
- Jed Clampett: For a fact, Elly. Ever since she met that fella, she's been grinnin' like a butcher's dog.
- Daisy Moses: Are you sure the food's good in here?
- Night Club Captain: Yes madame, yes.
- Daisy Moses: I don't see no truck drivers. That's always a good sign when the truck drivers eat at a place.
- Jed Clampett: [Clifton Cavanaugh meets Jed] I'm Jed Clampett.
- Clifton Cavanaugh: So, you're J.D. Clampett, eh?
- Jed Clampett: Yes, sir. Pleased to meet ya.
- Clifton Cavanaugh: It's a rare treat to shake hands with you like this.
- [shakes hands]
- Jed Clampett: Oh? That's the way I've always done it.