- Clayton Runnymede Endicott III: If I called you shiftless, would you consider that a racial slur?
- Benson DuBois: If I called you an ambulance, would you consider that an omen?
- Peter 'Pete' John Downey: If you'd look at the latest polls, sir. Okay, 38 percent approved of the Governor's performance, 43 percent disapproved.
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: Oh, polls don't mean anything.
- Peter 'Pete' John Downey: Sir, it's not the 81 percent who approve or disapprove that bother me. It's the other 19 percent.
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: They're undecided?
- Clayton Runnymede Endicott III: No, sir, they don't know who you are.
- Peter 'Pete' John Downey: [the Governor is discussing a future speech with his staff] I'll put it on cue cards. All you have to do is sit there and read it off the cards.
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: Oh, don't bother with cue cards. I have a crackerjack memory.
- Peter 'Pete' John Downey: Bet you can't name the seven dwarfs.
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Bashful, Dopey, and Doc.
- Clayton Runnymede Endicott III: Sir, what are you doing?
- Benson DuBois: Naming the new cabinet.
- Katherine 'Katie' Olivia Gatling: Daddy, is it true you're gonna be on TV?
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: That's right. Tomorrow night at 7:30.
- Katherine 'Katie' Olivia Gatling: Oh, too bad. I won't be able to watch you.
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: Why not?
- Katherine 'Katie' Olivia Gatling: You're on against The Muppets.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus, Marcy Hill, Benson DuBois: [Referring to Marcy's Boyfriend Dan] He reminds me of my first boyfriend, Wolfgang. Ah, I only lived for him, but I thought he did not know I was alive.
- Benson DuBois: It is hard to tell.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: Und then I noticed whenever he looked at me, there was a special gleam in his eye. Well he invited me to dinner. There was candlelight, a chilled bottle of Mosul, schnitzel for two, the works. Und then it happened, just as I hoped it would.
- Marcy Hill: He asked you to marry him?
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: No. He asked me to be the brakeman on his bobsled team.