The Benny Hill Show (TV Series)

Show 42 (1982)

Benny Hill: Self - Host, Various

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kenny Rogers : We met in Santa Fe,/ where she ran a small café./First time that we kissed, my heart went thud./It was like a mouthful of nothin',/but it tasted just like heaven./Sounded like a cow pullin' it's foot out of the mud./Well I helped her bake a puddin'/and it was finger-lickin' good and/I thought maybe some day she'd become my wife./She hollered from the kitchen,/ "Kenny, would you truss the chicken?"/I said "Of course I would, my darling, with my life."

• Kenny Rogers : This oil man from the West,/ he sure as hell impressed/my little shy and sensitive waif./He said, "I have so many gold teeth that I sleep every night with my head in a safe"

• Kenny Rogers : Now, this Englishman and this Aussie/came in and started gettin' bossy./Then this French guy says, "Hey you, come here."/"Have you got frog's legs?" I said, "Oui."/He said, "Right, now let me see"/"you hop over the bar and get me a glass of beer."/Then she walked through the door./They just stood there in awe./I'm sure they'd never seen a more beautiful sight./The Australian said, "By golly", the Englishman said, "By George", and the Frenchman said, "By tomorrow night."

• Patrick Wayne : From Ireland, on the trapeze, we bring you the Swinging Bristols.

• Patrick Wayne : And tonight on the Monte Carbolic Show, we have from Italy, Ben Dover and his performing goose.

• Scottish headmaster : Never ever assume, because when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

• Scottish headmaster : [taking roll call]  Little, Willie; Large... Richard; Steele, Helmut; Hugh, F.O.; Smelley, B.O.; Smelley, P.U.

• Self - Host : There's fishing or tennis, but you can't do both because we only have the one net.

• Self - Host : We crossed a sweet pea with a kidney bean and got a plant that waters itself.

• Scottish headmaster : Where is the hottest part of the sun? Page 3.

• Self - Host : You think that's sawdust on the floor/but it's the furniture from the night before.

• Self - Host : They've got call girls in this hotel.

  Bob Todd : What?

  Self - Host : Upstairs in the Nutcracker Suite. They play call girl roulette up there. You get the choice of six call girls, only one of them's writing a book.

• Self - Host : Now the band that plays in our nightclub is always a bit off key/It's the only band I know where the drummer carries the melody.

• Self - Host : We had to shoot a guy just to start a cemetery.

• Scottish headmaster : [taking roll call]  Carr, Ted; Barr, Ted; Farr... Terrence.

• Self - Host : Now here on Paradise Island/the sun shines every day./The girls all dress to express themselves/but they don't have a lot to say.

• Bar patron : She said I keep wastin' too much time in bars, but I'm drinkin' as fast as I bloody well can.