- Margaret Wyborn: Maureen, I know what waiting for Linda is like; I seem to do that all the time.
- Maureen: I'll make that a whole chapter in the biography I'm writing about you.
- Reggie Kostas: So, Jake, have you decided what you're doing for Karen's birthday?
- Dr. John Becker: Who's Karen?
- Jake Malinak: My girlfriend; I've been dating her for a month... Don't you ever listen when I'm talking?
- Dr. John Becker: Jake, what you don't realize is that half the time you're talking to me, I'm not even in the room!
- Margaret Wyborn: Linda, where have you been?
- Linda: I don't know. Really, I don't! I went out clubbing last night, and I don't know whose apartment I slept at, or why they live in a pet store...
- Dr. John Becker: Yeah, you've definitely got bursitis.
- Doug: I can't have bursitis; my GRANDMOTHER has bursitis!
- Dr. John Becker: Well, now you'll have something to talk to her about.
- Margaret Wyborn: Maureen, isn't it a school day?
- Maureen: Oh, I guess you didn't get the memo: we got off for Mind Your Own Business Day.
- Reggie Kostas: AND he made me dinner! Did you ever make dinner for a woman, Becker?
- Dr. John Becker: Think about it: if I could cook, would I be eating here?
- Dr. John Becker: I thought women liked lobster!
- Reggie Kostas: [Scoffs] Where do men get that crap, out of a1961 Playboy?
- Jake Malinak: [to Becker] Hey, Hef, wasn't there something you wanted to tell Reggie?
- Dr. John Becker: Oh, my God. You know, what is it with these damn perfume samples in magazines? I mean, is it too much to ask to be able to go out to my mailbox, take out my Esquire, and read it without smelling like a French whore? Sorry, if you're French. Or a whore.
- Dr. John Becker: [Seeing Maureen sitting in the waiting room] Is she a patient?
- Margaret Wyborn: She may be soon!