- Terry McGinnis: It will have to wait til tonight. I have to get to class. It's family studies and I'm failing.
- Bruce Wayne: How does someone fail family studies?
- Bruce Wayne: Do you have to keep lugging that thing around with you?
- Terry McGinnis: I need the grade.
- Bruce Wayne: Even real parents with real children find ways to get away for a night.
- Terry McGinnis: I tried leaving it with my mom, but she said she was too young to be a grandmother.
- Bruce Wayne: What about your brother?
- Terry McGinnis: I tried that, too, then I caught him shooting rubber bands at it. Hey, you know, maybe you could...
- [Bruce glares]
- Terry McGinnis: Never mind.
- Ma Mayhem: [hearing the eggbaby crying] What's that?
- Carl: It's a baby. Sort of. I can't make it stop.
- Slim: Here, give it to me. I can figure it out.
- Ma Mayhem: [they try to make it stop] Here. Give it to Mama. Kind of reminds me of when you two were little.
- [giving it back]
- Ma Mayhem: Get rid of it.
- Carl: [going to a window] You sure? It's kind of cute.
- Ma Mayhem: Toss it!
- Carl: But, Ma, maybe we could sell it.
- Ma Mayhem: Carl, I'm getting angry.
- Carl: Okay, okay. Sorry, kid.
- [he drops it; Batman swoops down to save it and, on his way up, sticks out his tongue]
- Bruce Wayne: What's going on there? Is that a baby?
- Batman: Um...
- Bruce Wayne: You brought a *baby* with you?
- Batman: It's not what you think. Really.
- Bruce Wayne: Terry, is there something you need to tell me?
- Batman: It's not a child. It's... turn on your vidlink.
- [Bruce does so]
- Batman: See? It's not a real baby.
- Bruce Wayne: Why am I not reassured?
- Blade: And how's our little A+ doing?
- Terry McGinnis: He's sleeping. You'll hardly know he's around.
- Blade: Forget it. Jurgen has this new 'Vette I want to check out.
- Terry McGinnis: I want a divorce!
- Ma Mayhem: Well, boys, we did it. Got the whole set.
- Slim: Oh, yeah, we did it, all right, but while we were wasting time with this, we could've stolen stuff worth ten times as much.
- Ma Mayhem: [grabbing him] Nothing could be worth more than these jewels. You hear me? Nothing! This is the first swag your father and I ever stole together. We swore we'd never fence it. It's all I have left of him now that he's... gone.
- Carl: But, Ma, dad's not dead. He just ran off with...
- [getting slapped]
- Carl: Hey!
- Ma Mayhem: Don't ever talk that way about your father.
- Terry McGinnis: Ma Mayhem?
- Bruce Wayne: A tabloid gave her that name. It was the golden age of alliteration.
- Terry McGinnis: So what do you want me to do? Wait until she tries to fence the ruby?
- Bruce Wayne: I have a feeling she'll be holding on to it. There was another robbery a week ago.
- Terry McGinnis: More rubies?
- Bruce Wayne: Exactly.
- Terry McGinnis: What is she going to do them all?
- Bruce Wayne: Don't know. But I have a feeling she not making slippers.
- Terry McGinnis: Slippers? From rubies?
- Bruce Wayne: Hm. Before your time.
- Terry McGinnis: No sign of him anywhere. I've lost him.
- Bruce Wayne: Him? That's a doll you're talking about, not a life.
- Terry McGinnis: It's my life if it's lost. I'll have to take family studies again. Have you ever taken family studies?
- Batman: Poor kid's gonna cry 'til he shuts down.
- Bruce Wayne: Its cries are computer-generated, aren't they?
- Batman: Yeah. So?
- Bruce Wayne: That would mean the cries would have certain quantifiable digital properties.
- Batman: Then I can set the Batmobile to scan for them, can't I?
- Bruce Wayne: Uh-huh. Unless they've already made an omelet out of him.
- Batman: [insulted] Oh, hey!
- Bruce Wayne: My instruments say you're only doing 180. Is there a problem?
- Batman: Uh... she's feeling a little sluggish tonight. Didn't want to push it.
- Bruce Wayne: [hearing the eggbaby fuss] What was that?
- Batman: Nothing.
- Ms. Pinto: Each of your eggbabies has a built-in computer, which registers the amount of care or lack of care it's given. These readings will determine your grades.
- [Nelson tickles his, and it giggles]
- Ms. Pinto: As you can see, the babies exhibit a wide range of emotions and expressions of need. It's your job to fulfill those needs.
- Nelson Nash: Ms. Pinto, what happens if we drop it?
- Ms. Pinto: [demonstrating] You fail.
- [Blade accidentally nudges hers off the desk; as Terry catches it, it begins crying]
- Ms. Pinto: They're babies, Mr. McGinnis. You must be gentle with them.
- Terry McGinnis: How do I turn it off?
- Ms. Pinto: You can't. But you can quiet it down by rocking it, just like a real baby.
- Nelson Nash: Yeah, McGinnis, get with the program.
- Ms. Pinto: According to this data, most of you did borderline jobs as parents; namely C's.
- Howard: But, Ms. Pinto...
- Ms. Pinto: Yes, Howard, you and Dana fed yours and rocked it and gave it plenty of nap time, but a baby needs more than that. Its mind needs to be stimulated, too. And according to this printout, only one baby was fully stimulated, the one belonging to Terry and Blade. Congratulations, Mr. McGinnis. Who knew you'd turn out to be such ideal father material?
- Ms. Pinto: This week's project will help show you what parenthood is all about.
- [pointedly, mostly to Terry]
- Ms. Pinto: And for those of you who are *failing*, it will be one last chance to catch up, because this assignment will count for a full half of your final grade.
- [the class fawns as she unveils the eggbabies]
- Ms. Pinto: Yes, they do look cute, until you have the responsibility of caring for them. And that's exactly what you'll be doing this week. That means feeding it, bathing it, rocking it, whatever it takes. I've divided you into random couples. Nelson, you'll be paired with Maxine.
- [Max groans]
- Ms. Pinto: John Key and Rachel Eng. Frankie Lewis and Matilda Ides. Howard Groote and Dana Tan.
- Howard: [waving to Dana] Hi, honey.
- Bruce Wayne: It's the one piece they haven't gotten yet. Part of a display at the Museum of Fashion. You think baby could keep its mouth shut for one night?
- Terry McGinnis: I gave it a double feeding, changed it, kept it awake all afternoon. Believe me, it'll be off in nap city for hours.
- Bruce Wayne: Turns out she's not stealing just any rubies. They're all part of a set she stole once before. And now that she's out of prison, she wants them back.
- Terry McGinnis: So much for rehabilitation.
- Bruce Wayne: Ma's very determined. And that makes her and her boys very dangerous. Your ride's on its way.
- Terry McGinnis: I'll meet it on the roof.
- Blade: Here. You take him.
- Terry McGinnis: Blade, you can't just...
- Blade: I didn't realize how much it cried. Besides, I have a date with Jurgen tonight. We can't exactly take the thing along, can we?
- Terry McGinnis: But I had it all day, and I've got something important to do.
- Blade: I don't care.
- Nelson Nash: Something's wrong. He's not eating. Why isn't he eating?
- Terry McGinnis: Maybe because you're trying to feed him through his nose.
- Max: Here's the bio and civics.
- Nelson Nash: Thanks, hon. How about the math?
- Max: It's coming. Stop nagging.
- Terry McGinnis: I get it. You're doing his homework so you don't have to take care of the baby.
- Max: We opted for the traditional marriage: one breadwinner, one homemaker.
- Nelson Nash: Beats algebra.