Barney Miller (TV Series)
The Harris Incident (1978)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Barney Miller : [Wojo enters Barney's office, slamming the door] What's the problem?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well, it's Harris.
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I don't know what to do; I don't know what to say to the guy. He acts like we're some kind of poison sumac or something.
Capt. Barney Miller : Woj, I think we're just going to have to learn to be a little more understanding. I appreciate the fact that Harris has, uh... special problems.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Like what?
Capt. Barney Miller : Like he's black.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I knew that. Well, I thought those differences weren't important.
Capt. Barney Miller : They're not... but they are.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Thanks for clearing that up.
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Capt. Barney Miller : [attempting to explain the importance of differences between Wojo and Harris] Woj, it's uh... it's like a 'Polish joke'.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : What?
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, if somebody came up to you and said, um... "How many Poles does it take to make popcorn?" you wouldn't appreciate it, would you?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : No.
Capt. Barney Miller : And I could understand that, but I could never feel what you're feeling, because I'm not Polish.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Capt. Barney Miller : I could understand it, but that's as close as I can get.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, yeah, all right. Thanks, Barn.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : [heads for the door, then turns back to Barney] How many does it take?
Capt. Barney Miller : Woj, I don't know, I never even thought...
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : It's all right; I'm just curious.
Capt. Barney Miller : Five.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Five?
Capt. Barney Miller : Look Wojo, I said I didn't want to, you know - One to hold the pan, and four to shake the stove.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : That's stupid!
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, of course it is!
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : All you got to do is move the pan around on the fire a little bit.