Barney Miller (TV Series)
Horse Thief (1975)
Jack Soo: Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana
Quotes
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Capt. Barney Miller : The mayor arrives at 5:30. The kickoff ceremony begins at 6. And these areas will be roped off for special groups. We got any problems?
Det. Ron Harris : All the local merchants are being very cooperative, Barney.
Capt. Barney Miller : Good.
Det. Ron Harris : Including our ladies of the evening. They said they want very much to take part in the ceremonies.
Capt. Barney Miller : I'm not surprised. I mean, I suppose they're part of our heritage too.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Sure. There were hookers around here 200 years ago. Some of the same ones.
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Officer Shriker : It ain't my horse.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Are you sure?
Officer Shriker : Hey, I know my horse.I mean, don't you think a fella knows his own horse?
Capt. Barney Miller : W-wait a minute. Wait a minute. Mr. Fuzzo, did you or did you not take that horse from the police barn?
Fuzzo : I did. I swear it. Would I lie about something I stole?
Officer Shriker : Well, he took it. It's Cooley's gelding. I don't ride geldings.
Capt. Barney Miller : Look, you wanna take the horse or don't you?
Officer Shriker : Uh, yeah, I guess maybe I better. Hey, I got to admit something. He really knows his horses. I mean, that horse looks happier with you than he ever did with Cooley.
Fuzzo : Thanks.
Capt. Barney Miller : Look, uh, Shriker, think anybody would mind if it took a couple of extra days before the horse got back?
Officer Shriker : O-oh. I don't know. I... I could ask Cooley. He's down in Washington Square riding crowd control.
Capt. Barney Miller : Good, you do that. Mr. Fuzzo, why don't you go with Officer Shriker?No, that's... That's okay.That's okay. That's okay.
Officer Shriker : Hey, wait a minute.If you got Cooley's horse, Cooley's got mine. Cooley uses spurs.
Fuzzo : O-oh. Oh, I hate that.Any guy that uses spurs should be horsewhipped.
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Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : [Yemana is on phone with victim] I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir, but it's the nature of these celebrations that the pickpockets come out with the patriot... . Were you carrying cash or traveler's checks?... Oh, shame on you. Don't you pay attention to Karl Malden?... I'm sorry to hear that, sir,but, uh, you better dig up some more money or you're gonna get picked up for vagrancy.
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Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Uh, Barney,that was the commander of the police barn. One of their horses was stolen.
Capt. Barney Miller : What is this, an epidemic?Wait a minute. Fuzzo loses a horse. Now we lose a horse.You better check out Fuzzo.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, Barn. That was Kogan. We gotta do something about Pier 10.
Capt. Barney Miller : Pier 10?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, there's a bunch of clowns over there throwin' tea into the East River.
Capt. Barney Miller : What is going on out there today?
The Flag Salesman : The second American Revolution. Right on schedule.
Capt. Barney Miller : Uh, Fish.
Det. Phil Fish : Yeah?
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah, take a run over to Pier 10. We got some trouble over on the harbor. This is beautiful. Rioting, fistfights, vandalism. It's lovely way to celebrate the bicentennial.
Det. Phil Fish : You get to be 200 years old, I guess you get a little cranky.
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Officer Shriker : Is there a Yemana here?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Yo.
Officer Shriker : Shriker of the Mounted. I've come for my horse.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Your horse is down in back. We got the guy up in front. His name is Fuzzo.
Officer Shriker : His name is garbage when I get through with him.
Capt. Barney Miller : Whoa. What's going on here?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Uh, Captain, this is Officer Shriker. He wants his horse. And the guy that took him.
Capt. Barney Miller : Hey, hey, hey, hey. Shriker, I gotta tell you there were some, you know, special circumstances.
Officer Shriker : Yeah, well, in another town, in another time, they'd hang him from a tree.
Capt. Barney Miller : I can understand how you feel.
Officer Shriker : You don't fool with a man's horse.
Capt. Barney Miller : Look... Look, Shriker, uh, Mr. Fuzzo here has a hansom cab, and he needed a horse.
Officer Shriker : Didn't he know that?
Capt. Barney Miller : That... That is, he had a horse, but somebody stole it.
Officer Shriker : Isn't that always the way, huh?
Capt. Barney Miller : Look, Mr. Fuzzo took really good care of your horse. He really did. Why don't you go down back, take a look at it? You'll see.
Officer Shriker : Well...
[whinnies]
Officer Shriker : Okay, I need coolin' out anyway.