- ["Er" is substituted for Mrs. Slocombe's unknown first name while practicing "Happy Birthday To You"]
- Captain Peacock: What are we going to sing now: er, er-er, er-er-er, or er-er-er-er?
- Mr. Rumbold: Er...
- Mr. Dick Lucas: I'll settle for that.
- Mr. Rumbold: No, we'll have to ers.
- Mr. Ernest Grainger: I entirely agree, two er is human! Haha...
- Mr. Ernest Grainger: [the staff decides on a birthday for Mrs. Slocombe] I vote we give her a cyanide tablet. No, I take that back.
- Captain Peacock: Good.
- Mr. Ernest Grainger: Two cyanide tablets, in case the first one doesn't work.
- Mr. Ernest Grainger: She has very beautiful ears; they give her a very pretty profile. Mind you, head on it's a bit of a shock.
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: I ask Mother how old she is and she tells me "as old as my nose and slightly older than my teeth".
- Mr. Ernest Grainger: I'm a great deal older than my teeth