- Sheriff Andy Taylor: He's one of our most respected citizens! One of our best church-goin' members! He knows every hymn in the book!
- Deputy Barney Fife: Aw, that's just a front! You watch him sometime when we're singin' "Leaning On The Everlasting Arms". He don't even know the words! He just moves his lips!
- Barney Fife: Okay. Answer with a "yes" or "no" answer. Who's store is being robbed?
- Andy Taylor: No?
- Barney Fife: What do you mean, "no"?
- Andy Taylor: Well, you said answer with "yes" or "no".
- Barney Fife: One word! I meant one word!
- Andy Taylor: Well, you didn't say that.
- Barney Fife: Answer with one word! I hate it when you get obtuse! Okay, let's try this again. Who's store is being robbed?
- Andy Taylor: Weaver.
- Barney Fife: And who ever gets a bargain at Weaver's Department Store?
- Andy Taylor: Uh... Weaver?
- Barney Fife: No! I'm trying to give you the name of the criminal! The answer is "no one"!
- Andy Taylor: No one's the criminal?
- Barney Fife: [looks away angrily] Boy! When you get obtuse...