- [lecturing the two prisoners]
- Barney Fife: Now, here at "The Rock", we have two basic rules! Memorize them so that you can say them in your sleep! The first rule is: obey all rules! Secondly, do not write on the walls, as it takes a lot of work to erase writing off of walls!
- Gomer Pyle: [spotting two guys hiding in the alley] Shazam! We better call the police!
- Barney Fife: We *are* the police! You and me!
- Barney Fife: [hearing that professional criminals will be brought to their jail] I'm gonna show 'em we're on our toes out here, that the Mayberry jail matches any big-time pen they've ever served time in!
- Andy Taylor: Barney, there's no need...
- Barney Fife: First of all, we're gonna get rid of all these extra frills! We give 'em just what they get in the big house: one cot, one blanket, one cracked mirror! Period!
- Andy Taylor: Now, Barney, I'm not gonna have time to go after the other two if I have to keep catchin' these same two over and over again!