The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

The Battle of Mayberry (1966)

Andy Griffith: Andy Taylor

Quotes 

• Andy Taylor : Anything happen is school today?

  Opie Taylor : Johnny Paul dropped his bacon and tomato sandwich on the playground.

  Aunt Bee Taylor : Oh, what a shame.

  Opie Taylor : You should've seen it after it got stepped on a few times.

  Andy Taylor : Stepped on? Didn't anybody see it lyin' there?

  Opie Taylor : We all did. We took turns jumpin' on it.

• Andy Taylor : [reading from a newspaper article from May 18, 1762]  "Dear readers, there was no Battle of Mayberry. The only casualties were one scrawny cow, three deer, and a mule who had the misfortune to look like a deer."

• Andy Taylor : [reading from the newspaper article]  "Taunts and insults filled the air, but no bullets or arrows."

• Goober Pyle : [reading Opie's essay]  Ohhhh.

  Andy Taylor : You took the words right outta my mouth.

  Purvis : No battle.

  Andy Taylor : No heroes neither.

  Purvis : No arrows, no Colonels.

• Andy Taylor : Tuckahoosie creek? We're talkin' about the Battle of Mayberry, Tom.

  Tom Strongbow : That's what the settlers called it, but to us indians, it's still the victory of Tuckahoosie creek.

  Andy Taylor : Victory?

  Tom Strongbow : Yeah, that's right. Us indians forced them settlers and their cattle off our hunting grounds.

  Andy Taylor : Aw, come on, Tom.

  Tom Strongbow : Well it did.

  Andy Taylor : The settlers won that battle.

  Tom Strongbow : Opie, I hope you mention Chief Strongbow in your paper. After all, he was the real hero of the battle.

• Andy Taylor : [reading from the newspaper article]  "The whole fiasco began with the death of Bessie Lawson."

  Aunt Bee Taylor : There, you see, Floyd's great grandmother.

  Andy Taylor : "Bessie was their mean ol' cow that an indian shot by accident."

• Andy Taylor : [reading from the newspaper article]  "Then out from the stockade stepped Lieutenant Edwards."

  Aunt Bee Taylor : Lieutenant Edwards, Clara's ancestor, the Colonel.

  Andy Taylor : "He approached the indians on a wavering course holding a fearsome weapon in his hand."

  Aunt Bee Taylor : The sword!

  Andy Taylor : "A jug of Mayberry's finest corn liquor. One drink led to another and when they were all happy and friendly, they went into the woods to shoot some deer to pay Lawson for ol' Bessie."