- [Arnold has just been taken by his father to the woodshed, against his will, crying and screaming "I want my bike!"]
- Opie Taylor: Is Arnie going to get spanked, Pa?
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Don't you think he deserves it?
- Opie Taylor: I don't want to say. After all, he is one of my own kind.
- Andy Taylor: The law's the law, Mr. Winkler. Now, if we don't teach children to live in society today, what's gonna happen to 'em when they grow up?
- Andy Taylor: I thought you was supposed to be cleaning out the garage.
- Opie Taylor: I wanted to have a talk with you.
- Andy Taylor: Must be pretty important for you to break off in the middle of a chore.
- Opie Taylor: It's preying on my mind, Pa!
- Arnold Winkler: [given the choice between his father going to jail and getting his bike back] I WANT MY BIKE!
- Andy Taylor: Mr. Winkler, would you like to continue this father and son discussion in quiet?
- Simon Winkler: Huh?
- Andy Taylor: I say, would you like to continue this in quiet? There's a real nice woodshed out back.
- Simon Winkler: Woodshed?
- Andy Taylor: Mm-hm.
- Simon Winkler: A good, old-fashioned woodshed?
- Andy Taylor: Real nice one!
- [Opie, influenced by Arnold, comes back for a second father-son discussion]
- Opie Taylor: I still don't wanna work for my allowance.
- Andy Taylor: Fine. You don't have to.
- Opie Taylor: Oh, boy!
- Andy Taylor: No work, no allowance.
- Opie Taylor: That's not fair!
- Andy Taylor: Don't raise your voice to me! Now, you get on outta here. I got things to do.
- [Opie thinks about it then takes a big gulp of air]
- Andy Taylor: What're you doin'?
- Opie Taylor: [trying to maintain his breath] Pwm pwmbm.
- Andy Taylor: Opie, I asked you what you're doin'.
- Opie Taylor: [exhales] I was holding my breath.
- Andy Taylor: [going back to his paperwork] Good. Good lung exercise.
- [Opie licks his lip then starts screaming wildly]
- Andy Taylor: Opie, what're you doin' now?
- Opie Taylor: [stopping suddenly] I'm crying and I can't stop.
- Andy Taylor: [not impressed] That's a shame.
- [Opie steps back and begins to stomp on the floor. Failing to get Andy's attention, he drops to the floor, kicking and screaming]
- Andy Taylor: What're you doin' now?
- Opie Taylor: [stops and sits up calmly] I was having a tantrum.
- Andy Taylor: Oh. Well, don't get your clothes all dirty.
- [rebuffed for butting in on a father-son talk, Barney exits to the back room]
- Opie Taylor: Are Barney's feelings hurt, Pa?
- Andy Taylor: Oh, I don't think so.
- Barney Fife: [popping back in] I think I can, uh, speak for my own feelings, Andy. Why do you ask that, Ope?
- Opie Taylor: I don't know. I heard you were kind of sensitive.
- Barney Fife: Sensitive? Me, sensitive?
- Andy Taylor: [clears throat] Barn...
- Barney Fife: Boy, that's a nice thing to get started around! If there's anything that upsets me, it's having people say I'm sensitive! If there's one thing I'm not, it's sensitive! Talk about being misunderstood!
- Andy Taylor: You're a little flushed.
- Barney Fife: THAT'S SPIRIT! I'm a VERY SPIRITED PERSON! There's a big difference, you know! Go on and have your little talk! It don't mean nothing to me anyways!
- Opie Taylor: [in a third father-son discussion] Well, I've been doin' a lot of thinkin'.
- Andy Taylor: Good for the head.
- Opie Taylor: And I was wondering if, by any chance, you might need a person to clean the garage and do odd jobs around.
- Andy Taylor: You know, it's funny you should ask at this time. They happens to be a recent vacancy in that department.
- Opie Taylor: Oh, boy!
- Andy Taylor: Well, what person did you have in mind?
- Opie Taylor: Opie Taylor.
- Andy Taylor: Uh-huh.
- Opie Taylor: I'm sorry about the way I acted, Pa.
- Andy Taylor: Mm, what's done's done. Well, let's see, uh, cleaning out the garage, hauling out the ashes, setting the table, that ought to be worth about, oh, say, uh... 25¢ a week. Okay?
- Opie Taylor: Sounds fine to me, Pa!
- [hearing that a friend gets 75¢ without doing chores, Opie asks what the rules are between fathers and sons]
- Andy Taylor: There are no rules for pas and sons. Uh, it's as simple as this: each, uh, each mother or father raises his boy or girl, as the case may be, the way that, uh, he thinks is best. And I think it's best for you to get a quarter and work for it. Ya see, when you give somethin', in this instance, cleaning the garage and you get something in return, like a quarter, why, that's the greatest feeling in the world! You *do* feel good after working, don't you?
- Opie Taylor: Uh-huh. Good and tired!
- Andy Taylor: Well, as, uh, as you get bigger, why, you'll be doing more and more work for more and more return and that good feeling will get bigger. D'ya understand what I mean?
- Opie Taylor: I think so.
- Andy Taylor: Good.
- Opie Taylor: I'm not gonna get the 75¢.
- Andy Taylor: Right.
- Opie Taylor: And I have to work for the 25.
- Andy Taylor: Right. All clear to you?
- Opie Taylor: Yeah. The bigger you get, the tired-er you get.
- Andy Taylor: Well, uh, you just... You just think about that for a while.
- Opie Taylor: Do I have to?
- Andy Taylor: Don't you want to think about it?
- Opie Taylor: It makes me kinda sad!