The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Crime-Free Mayberry (1961)

Don Knotts: Barney Fife

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Fife : [Barney, writing a song to the tune of "Clementine", doesn't know Andy is standing behind him]  In a jailhouse down in Dixie / Fightin' crime and riskin' life / Dwelled a sheriff and his buddy / Pistol-packing Barny Fife. / Oh, my darin', oh, my darin' / Oh, my darin' Barney Fife / He's a deadly crime stopper / What a copper, Barney Fife. / Then one day there came a ridin'/ Two bad men to rob a bank / But Fife was tricky, a deadeye dickie/ Now they're locked up in the tank.

  Andy Taylor : Oh, my Barney, oh, my Barney / Had a jail and couldn't lock it / Had one bullet for his pistol / Had to keep it in his pocket.

• Barney Fife : They're writin' a folk song about us!

  Andy Taylor : [reading the town paper]  "The Ballad of Andy and Barney", or "The Gangsters' Mistake". If that ain't the most ridiculous thing I ever...

  Barney Fife : Oh, no, no, no! Wait a minute, now! It's not too bad! Try it from the top. The tune is like "Frankie and Johnny".

  Andy Taylor : What foolishness will they think of next?

  Barney Fife : Go ahead!

  Andy Taylor : Hmm. "Andy and Barney were lawmen / Bravest you ever did see / Warned every crook in the record book / To stay out of Mayber-ry / They were the law"...

  Barney Fife : [joining in]  "Yes, they were the law"...

  Barney Fife , Andy Taylor : "And they didn't know fear".

  Andy Taylor : Throw that thing in the trash!

  Barney Fife : Now, wait a minute, Andy! It gets better in the second verse. Listen to this: "Pretty Boy Floyd com a-ridin' / Dillinger, too, big as life / They weren't alone, there was Al Capone / And in back was Mack the Knife / They broke the law"...

  Andy Taylor : Barney! Barney! Barney! Barney! Barney, hold it!

  Barney Fife : What's the matter?

  Andy Taylor : Whoever wrote that did it for a joke.

  Barney Fife : I did not!

• Barney Fife : We defy the Mafia!

• Fred Jenkins : Now, the chief has sent me down here to observe firsthand just how you achieved this wonderful record.

  Andy Taylor : Well, first-off, I think the credit ought to go where it rightfully belongs.

  Barney Fife : Oh, now, Andy! You had just as much to do with it as I did!

• Barney Fife : Yeah, I guess that's the word that describes us best: modest. As you can see, we don't go in for fancy technical equipment here. We're just plain, simple men fightin' organized crime with raw courage. Strong, determined, rugged, fearless...

  Fred Jenkins : And modest.

  Barney Fife : I think that's the word that describes us best, yes!

• Barney Fife : [while Barney is talking to the tour group, Otis comes in, drunk, and lets himself into a cell]  Do you see how we got the criminals around here intimidated? The minute they commit a crime, they know that capture is inevitable and they just come in and lock themselves up!