- [Francine is preparing a tray of lemonade for Stan's meeting of the National Gun Association in the living room]
- Hayley Smith: I can't believe you're feeding those extremists from the National Gun Association. They're monsters!
- Francine Smith: Oh sweetheart don't be so dramatic. Besides, aren't you having fun cooking with mommy?
- Hayley Smith: I'm not "cooking with mommy!" Dad handcuffed me to the oven!
- Francine Smith: [stern] Well, if it weren't for handcuffs and your father you wouldn't even be here, young lady.
- Dr. Heisler: [pointing to x-ray] See? The second bullet passed through your neck and pushed the first bullet out. You should be completely ambulatory again.
- Stanley Smith: [distraught] What good is that to a man who has to spend the rest of his life in a chair?
- [stabs Stan in the leg with a fork]
- Stanley Smith: Aaaaaah! Doc, your fork has magical powers!
- Dr. Heisler: It's the bullet that saved you.
- Stanley Smith: This is great! We've gotta go back on tour and spread the word. Guns are good!
- Hayley Smith: What?
- Stanley Smith: Without guns I'd still be in a wheelchair. Guns heal the sick!